I started shivering because this was getting plain, old scary.
He was so tuned into me was unreal.
“Hank –”
He stil didn’t let me talk. “I don’t like sayin’ it just as much as you aren’t gonna like hearin’ it, but I understand one thing about Flynn. I don’t like you pul in’ away.” My breath caught in my lungs.
“Don’t say that,” I whispered.
His hand gripped my waist. “It’s not that. It’d never be that. There’s no way I’d ever hurt you, Sweetheart.” My body was shivering like I was cold and Hank’s arms wrapped tight around me.
“We’re different, you and me,” I told him.
“I know, Sunshine.”
Even though he agreed, I kept on. “We’re something else.”
Something special, I thought, but did not say.
“Roxie, I know.”
“I’ve never been with Bil y how I am with you.”
“Sweetheart –”
“And because of Bil y, I can’t have you.”
It was his body’s turn to stil . “Sorry?”
I was so freaked out, I was on a rol and let my mouth run away from me.
“This’l always be between us. You knowing about him, what he’s done to me, how I let him, comparing yourself to him, me comparing us to what Bil y and I used to have. It’l color us forever. It’l make it go bad.”
“Roxanne –”
“It’s too soon. I was meant to have time, after I got rid of Bil y, time to feel good about myself, time to feel worthy, time to feel clean again. But you saw it, you’re in the middle of it now and I hate that. I’ve got used to his stink on me, I can’t al ow his stink to settle on you.”
“Roxanne, be quiet for a second and –”
I pressed my face in his throat. “It’s not just protecting you from seeing me under that f**king sink, Hank. Even without you seeing that, you’l always know that I’m gray.
You’l always be white and, now, for you, I’l always be gray.” If his body was stil before, it was hard as rock now.
“Roxanne,” his voice was as solid as his body; solid and sharp. My name cut through the air like a cleaver. It was fil ed with warning, so fil ed it was dangerous but I was lost in making him understand.
I ignored the warning and went on. “We were over before we even began.”
I barely finished the sentence when he rol ed, his weight settling on me and pushing me into the bed.
“Quiet!” The word hit the room like a gunshot and it shocked me so much, my mouth snapped shut.
Even in the dark, I could feel his eyes on my face.
Then he said, “You’ve been talkin’ to Jet.” I nodded but didn’t speak.
“Jet and I were havin’ a conversation about an internal struggle she was having. We were talkin’ about some people we know, friends we both like, friends who deal drugs and run games and likely murder other people.” Holy cow.
What friends were those?