Even on that thought, I answered. I couldn’t help myself and, again, didn’t try.
“My life was black. My Dad didn’t love me. My Mom used me as a shield against his abuse. I didn’t have any brothers or sisters and I didn’t share anything with friends. I was too young, I didn’t know how. I needed to turn black, my life, into something beautiful or good or cool. Those songs are al good, some of them beautiful, some of them just cool.” I felt a change in his body which translated into a change in the air. It made no sense to me except that I felt different somehow, warmer.
“Does that make sense?” I whispered, for some reason wanting to make certain he understood.
He didn’t answer.
I tried again, I didn’t know why, but I did.
“In Pearl Jam’s “Black”, Eddie Vedder sings…” Then I sang the five most important verses of perhaps the greatest rock bal ad in history then I whispered, “Wel …” I hesitated then in a low, soft whisper, “That’s me.” He moved, disconnected from me but stayed close and somehow, got closer.
“You aren’t black.”
“My world is.”
He was silent for a beat then he asked, “You ever see any light?”
When I was with you, my brain answered.
“When I met Floyd,” I said. “When The Gypsies came together.”
“Me?” He went direct to the point I was hiding from him.
“You,” I replied honestly.
“Now?”
“We’re black,” I replied dishonestly, we were as black as the sun and this conversation proved it.
“You real y believe that?”
“Yes,” I lied.
“You want me to go?”
“Yes,” I lied again and it was hard. My heart was beating and my breath was packing up, enjoying its travels, it was ready to explore Texas.
“You’re under my skin,” he shared.
There it went, my breath, sitting in first class drinking champagne, straight flight to Texas.
Kai Mason was not a sharing type of guy.
Kai Mason had never shared anything with me, except his presence, his body and his ability to post bond for Pong on occasion.
Who was this guy?
No, no, I didn’t want to know. I didn’t even care.
“Eventual y I’l work my way out,” I assured him but I didn’t ever want that to happen. I knew it. I just wasn’t going to admit it, especial y not to him.
“I like you there.”
Oh lordy be.
“Mace.”
“I’m keepin’ you there.”