I knew what he was trying to do.
I also knew it wasn’t going to work.
It wasn’t that simple.
Nothing about this was simple.
I shook my head and the second wave of tears that hadn’t yet come stung my eyes.
Duke continued, “You’re right, Stel a. This is eatin’ him.
You say they were close and that’s proved true by the way he’s torn apart by this. But any sixteen year old bal erina who loves her brother wouldn’t want her spirit to haunt him.
She’d want him to let go of those demons and be happy.
Your job is to make him understand that’s what she’d want.”
“How do I do that?” I asked, feeling the wetness start to rol silently down my cheeks.
“By making him happy. You do that, it’l come. He’l let it go.”
I shook my head again.
This was not something you let go.
I could make Mace breakfasts of eggs benedict and Belgian waffles topped with strawberries and whipped cream and homemade blueberry pancakes smothered in warm maple syrup and apple coffeecake with a thick crust of brown sugar crumble (or whatever) every morning for the rest of his effing life and it would never make him happy enough to let this shit go.
Duke grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Trust me, girl. I know what I’m talkin’ about. I been watchin’ the way he is with you. Don’t know it al . Don’t know what happened to him after it went down. What I do know is he hasn’t let anyone in. Not until you. You work at makin’ him happy, he’l let it go.”
For some reason, that’s when I remembered what Mace said to me onstage after I sang “Black”.
I can’t be the star in your sky when you’re the only star left shining in mine.
I wondered what he meant by that.
The only star?
How could I be the only star?
Mace was a good guy. Understandably intense and maybe he had a short fuse but al the Hot Bunch respected him. More than respected him, they liked him. They weren’t col eagues, they were friends.
He had to have a life back then, before that happened to Caitlin.
He had to have people he cared about who cared about him.
He had to have other family.
Friends.
His Mom.
His Mom.
He never talked about his friends, his past, his Mom.
Ever.
And it hit me then.