“I think it’s cool,” Billy put in. “Auntie Mara’s house is clean. Bray and Brent and Derek and LaTanya and Mitch all live close by and she’s always got food.”
Billie’s teeth started worrying her lip as she studied her brother. Then she asked, “But who’s gonna stay with Daddy?”
“Who cares?” Billy asked back and I moved to the counter.
“Billie,” I called and her worried eyes moved to mine. I leaned into my forearms on the counter. “I know you’re worried about your Daddy but he’s an adult so he needs to worry about himself,” I told her. “You’re a kid and that means, while you’re a kid, someone’s supposed to worry about you, take care of you, make sure you have food in your belly and shampoo for your hair.” I got up on my toes and leaned closer to her as my voice dipped quiet. “I love you, baby, and I want that person to be me. I want to make sure you’re always okay and not have to worry that you aren’t eating and your clothes aren’t clean. And the only way for me not to have to worry about that is for me to take care of you myself. If your Daddy gets himself sorted out, we’ll see. But in the meantime will you let me do that for you? Make sure you have shampoo, food and someone to look out for you? Is that okay with you?”
“But Daddy will be all alone,” she replied in a small voice.
“I know, sweetie,” I whispered. “But I can’t help him, he has to help himself. What I can do is look after you.” I reached out a hand and set it flat on the bar in front of her. “And I want to. I want you here with me, Billie. Will you stay with me?”
“You want me here with you?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“Do you want Billy?” she asked.
“Definitely,” I answered.
She stared at me then her eyes moved beyond me to Mitch before she looked back to me. “I like my new shampoo, it smells pretty.”
I smiled at her. “Is that a yes, baby?”
“Are you lonely without us?” she whispered.
“I worry about you when I’m not with you,” I told her. “If you’re with me, I don’t have to worry anymore.”
“I don’t want you to worry.” She was still whispering. “But I don’t want Daddy to worry either.”
“Dad won’t worry,” Billy muttered and Billie’s head swung to him.
“Look at me,” I called quickly as her lip started to tremble and Billie’s eyes came back to mine. “You don’t have to make a decision now. Just have Mitch’s eggs. Go to school and you can think about it. We’ll talk about it again when you’re ready. Is that a deal?”
She took in a breath then nodded. “Deal,” she whispered.
“Okay, baby,” I whispered back.
Then I felt heat at my back as Mitch leaned into me to set two plates filled with fluffy scrambled eggs and buttered toast, with cutlery resting on the side of the plate, in front of both of the kids. Once he’d done this he stayed where his was, both fists on the counter on either side of me, his body pressed to mine.
“Eat up, we gotta get on the road,” he ordered.
Billie looked down at her food. Billy looked down at Mitch’s fists in the counter. I tried to straighten and slide away which meant one of Mitch’s hands left the counter and his arm curled around my belly.
“You want toast, sweetheart?” he asked quietly in my ear.
I figured I’d throw up if I tried to eat anything. But I nodded because I was hoping he was offering to make me some and he couldn’t make me toast pressed into and holding me. Therefore, I nodded.
I was right. He let me go and I heard the bread bag rustling.
Billy’s eyes came to my face and he studied me looking about fifty years older than he actually was. Then he started eating.
Billie was already wolfing her food down at the same time inspecting the unusual plethora of jelly at her disposal.
I was thinking of school runs, Child Protection Services, buying new beds, when I’d have time to take foster parent classes and Mitch’s “Ma”. I was thinking about this so hard Mitch was in front of me holding a plate of buttered toast before I knew it.
I looked down at the toast then up at Mitch. The instant my eyes hit his, I knew it was definitely time to take control.
I took the plate, set it on the counter and asked him quietly, “Can we talk?”