Shit!
His eyes locked on mine.
I tore mine away to look down at my cousin and say, “Billie, Mitch needs –”
She cut me off, “Want Mitch.”
Shit!
“Okay then I’ll go to the –”
“Want you. Want Mitch. Want Mitch!” Her voice was getting loud and I heard her fear so I lifted my hand, stroked her hair and cuddled her close.
“Okay, he’s here. I’m here. It’s okay,” I cooed.
“Cold,” she muttered.
“You’ll be okay,” I whispered and tipped my eyes to Mitch.
“Don’t go,” she whispered back.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I assured her softly.
“Make sure he doesn’t go,” she demanded, shifting awkwardly so she could move one of her little arms and grasp onto his shirt with her little fingers.
“I’m right here, gorgeous,” Mitch murmured and started stroking her back.
“Cold,” she muttered and burrowed again into both Mitch and me.
I took in a deep breath to calm my heart and my panic, panic for Billie and panic seeing as it appeared I’d be sleeping in Mitch’s bed with Mitch again. Finally I laid my head on the pillow. Mitch rested his head in his hand and his elbow in the pillow. Through this our eyes stayed connected.
“How many kids does your sister have?” I asked quietly.
“Three,” he answered.
I nodded. This was good. His sister was clearly an expert.
I pulled in a deep breath and pulled Billie closer. Billie pulled Mitch closer and then burrowed deeper into both of us. Mitch kept stroking her back and, luckily, it didn’t take long before she fell asleep.
When I knew she was asleep, quietly, I shared what I thought earlier, “She was acting funny. She’s rarely in a bad mood but I didn’t even –”
He knew where I was going and therefore cut me off with a whispered, “Mara, don’t.”
I shook my head. “She doesn’t have insurance, Mitch. If this is bad –”
“Mara, sweetheart, don’t.”
I held his eyes.
Then it all hit me like a freight train. Everything that was happening. Everything that had happened. All of it coming at me so hard, I couldn’t hold it back. None of the fear that was crushing me at the same time it seemed to be dragging me along somewhere I didn’t know and I was scared to go so I had to let it out.
And I did. “Insurance. Lawyers. A new apartment. Childcare. Mitch, honey, I’ve got money but not that much. If we have to take her to the hospital that might clean me out. And I didn’t even know she was sick when she was acting like she never acts. I don’t know what I’m doing, it’s…everything, all of it, it’s too much and…” I choked, swallowed, pulled it together (slightly) and then I finished in a small voice, “I didn’t even know when my baby was sick.”
I shut up when his hand left Billie’s back, came to my jaw and his thumb pressed against my lips.
“Mara, baby, don’t,” he whispered again. “This is not for now. For now, she’s asleep. They got a roof over their heads, food in their stomachs, people who give a shit about them and a ride to school tomorrow. Don’t think about that shit now. We’ll think about it later. We’ll talk about it and we’ll sort it out. But, for now, sweetheart, it’s all good.”
“Billie doesn’t have food in her stomach, she just vomited it all up,” I reminded him.