“Yeah, it is,” I stated firmly. “Unimaginably terrible. Crushingly terrible.”
“You’re in love with him,” Ella said quietly and I looked to her then I held her eyes.
Then I whispered, “Yes. Falling in love, yes, I am, Ella. Fast. He bought me diamonds. He bought me a wedding bouquet. He bought me a Treasure Island snow globe.” I pointed to the sill, her eyes followed my finger then I dropped my hand and her eyes came back. “He took me to Moab. He brought me to this house. He gave me his friends. He gave me his protection, dragging me out from under Shift. He gave me freedom from that. The air I breathe now is clean. Fresh and clean. And its air I share with Ty. He gave me all that and it took over a week for me to make him laugh.” I leaned forward, “Over a week.”
Ella closed her eyes slowly and opened them. She knew what this meant. I was funny and I was funny because she taught me how to be. The Rodriguez family might never have had much but they always had a lot of laughter.
I kept going. “I’ve been with him nearly a month and he’s laughed full out three times. Only three. He gave me all that and I’ve managed to make him laugh three times. This is what I’m dealing with. He’s generous, he’s gentle, when he talks to me soft it’s like a gift, when he calls me ‘baby’ or ‘mama’, I feel it in my heart, my belly. So yes, I’m falling in love with him. And you give him a shot, you will too.”
“I’ll give him a shot,” Honey said instantly, because that was Honey. She wasn’t bright but she was loving, she was open and she’d give anyone a shot, sometimes when they didn’t deserve it.
But Ty did so I looked to her and smiled a grateful smile.
Then my smile wobbled when I looked at Bessie. “Bess?”
“I got your back whatever,” she muttered but then her eyes locked with mine. “That said, I do not like bullshit phone calls. I get this was serious shit for you and your head was probably all over the place. But I do not like bullshit phone calls. I’ll make that point now, expect you to let that shit sink in and we’ll move on long’s I got your word that shit has sunk in.”
“It’s sunk in. You have my word and I’m sorry for the bullshit,” I replied quietly.
She held my eyes. Then she jerked up her chin.
And that was Bessie. She was a bright bulb, always had been. She’d learned early to withhold her trust until it was earned and to say it like it was so no one could mistake where she was coming from. But once you had her trust, her loyalty and devotion were worth every effort it took to earn it. Except, of course, as it was with many girls, when it came to her love life. With that, as it was with many girls, she was all screwed up.
I looked to Ella.
“Ella?” I whispered.
She looked away and licked her lips.
“Ella?” I called, still whispering.
She kept her eyes averted and leaned heavily into her hand in the island.
“Ella, please,” I begged.
She looked back at me.
“Moved on. My baby’s moved on,” she said quietly, her voice trembling. “And the last thing my son gave to you before you moved on was the need to take flight and do somethin’ flat out crazy to get out from under the garbage he left you. Last thing you had from Ronnie was all you ever got from him. Garbage.” She pulled in breath and wet glistened at the edge of her eyes. “That stings, precious,” she whispered.
“I know,” I whispered back. “But it isn’t true the only thing he gave me was garbage, he gave me more and there was a lot of it that was good. And in the end, the garbage he gave me also led me to Ty and as you can tell, I’m not complaining.”
“Yeah, that’s the reason I’m not blubberin’. ‘Cause you look like I’ve never seen you look, standin’ in your fancy-ass clothes that are fancy even bein’ shorts and a tee, in a kitchen nicer than many I’ve seen that’s in a house a whole lot better than many I’ve seen lookin’ like you belong here. And you always looked like you belonged to the likes of the man I saw outside. And last you look happy which is somethin’ I’ve never seen, not happy like you got right now, the quiet kind which is the best kind. So that’s why I’m still standin’. ‘Cause I know my son taught you bad but I know you’re my girl so I trust you to move onto good.”
She got fuzzy because my eyes filled with tears. Then I felt my way around the island. Then I was in her arms. Then Honey’s arms came around us. Then Bessie’s. We held on tight without laughter and swaying but with some hitches of breath and a couple of quiet sobs.
Then we got it under control and let each other go.
Then Ella strolled to a stool, hiked her ass up on one and announced, “Now, I’ll take a cocktail.”
All out offensive a success, I felt relief so I moved a grin through my girls then I moved my body to where we kept our booze. I took the bottles down and something caught my eye. My head turned left and I saw my heart of petals hanging in the kitchen window. I hadn’t etched “Ty and Lexie, Las Vegas” in it because I thought that was cheesy but I had etched some curlicues and I thought it looked good. Out of place but I knew what it was, Ty did too so it was in the exact right place for us and that was all that mattered.
Then I felt the still warm, early evening sun beating on my skin through the glass. It was bright. Colorado was bright. I’d never experienced so much sunshine in my life.
And that’s when I knew. It had happened. What just happened was only placing a stamp on it, making it official.
That warm sun shining on my skin, its brightness filling my days – the shadow of Ronnie was gone. Even with Ty’s business in the background, nothing encroached, not even to throw a little shade.
My life was filled with brightness.