“That’s so beautiful, I wanna cry again,” I declared and he cut his eyes to me. “But I won’t let myself because my cheeks are cold and I don’t want them to freeze.”
“Cassidy—”
“And now I can’t make you cookies, which sucks. I like cookies.” My voice was rising and Bossy lifted her head because of it, so I reined it in.
“Cass—”
“If she was alive, I’d kill her,” I announced.
His head jerked and he started, “Woman—”
“I’m serious, Deacon.”
“I see that, Cassidy. But you’re not gettin’ me. I lived in that world. I did things. Things that—”
“I do not give that first fuck,” I snapped and his brows shot together as his head jerked. “You had your whole life planned out. You met a pretty girl at a bar who made you happy and you started it right away, because you knew what you wanted, just like me. And she fucked it up. And you gave up everything to get it back, give it to her, give it to yourself. What we have, that’s beautiful war, Deacon. What you had with Jeannie was ugly war. And in ugly war, things get ugly.”
“We’re talkin’ serious shit, Cassie.”
“You said you believe in what you do,” I reminded him.
“I did.”
My body tensed again.
“Did?”
“I’m out.”
I blinked. “Out?”
“Out.”
I stared at him.
“Last thing I did before comin’ to you was cut ties,” he told me.
Everything inside me, everything that was me, expanded so huge, it was a wonder I didn’t explode the porch.
“You’re never leaving,” I whispered.
“No. Never,” he replied firmly. “Even if it dawns on you the man I became and the company I kept, I’m gonna make it so you understand, believe in me again, and never want me to leave.”
“I already don’t ever want you to leave.”
He closed his eyes, raw washing through his features bathed in the lights from the kitchen window.
It was a beautiful sight to see.
Then he opened them. “Did shit, baby.”
“I don’t care.”
“Wanna give that to you. Need to so you understand the man in your bed and why that man was me.”
I leaned toward him over the arm of my chair. “Don’t you get it, Deacon? I already understand. And I believe. The only time I quit believing was when you didn’t give me what I needed in order to keep doing it. I have that now. All I need. I don’t need any more.”
“Here,” he growled, his expression changed again.