“Fuck yeah,” I whispered back.
“He left and your life unraveled.”
“Yup.”
“You can’t do that again.”
“Nope.”
She sat back and again fell silent.
I looked back to the night.
We remained quiet a long time.
I broke it this time.
“I’m being a bad hostess. You want a drink?”
She stood. “Some other time, honey. I should get home to my family.”
Her family.
She was a lucky bitch. Fortunately, she knew it.
“You mind if I don’t see you out?” I asked.
There was a smile in her voice when she replied, “Not at all.”
“Thanks for stopping by, Anya. Tell Knight I’m cool. All systems go tomorrow.”
“I’ll tell him.”
I watched her walk to the darkened kitchen doorway as I stroked Gun.
Her shadow didn’t disappear through it. It stopped and I knew she was turning back to me.
“One last thing, Sylvie. When I leave, I want you to think about your life right now. I know you like it. I know you’ve got people close to you. I know you have fun. But I want you to think of your happiest memory, the happiest in your whole life. Then I want you to compare it to the life you live now without Tucker Creed. My guess, your happiest memory includes him. My guess, even with that shit between you, you give it a shot, you’ll go from the life you live now, that you like, to something else. Something bigger, richer, better, happier. And you know it. You’re just scared to lose it because you lost it once. Then, after all that, think about what your life would be if he was never in it. You’d never met. He’d never touched it. Then, honey, ask yourself how you would feel if you didn’t have those moments. Last, I hope you’ll come to the realization that, this time around, you’re making the deliberate choice not to take a chance in order to have that beauty.”
I stared at the shadowed door long after her silhouette left it but I didn’t see dark shadows. I saw sunny days, the lake, the pier, blankets over grass, young bodies rolling on them, tangled, twin beds in dark rooms that barely fit two bodies, whispered conversations, holding close.
My hands curled around Gun as my legs uncurled from the chair. I set my feet on the floor as I cuddled her close and walked through my dark house to my bedroom. I didn’t bother with a light. I just dropped Gun gently on my bed and dug through my clothes on the floor until I found my jeans from last night.
I dug my phone out of the back pocket.
I flipped it open and the light from the screen made me wince.
I went to my phonebook, scrolled down and hit go.
I put it to my ear as my eyes went to the clock on my nightstand.
It was one seventeen in the morning.
The phone rang once.
“Sylvie,” Creed greeted, sounding alert but growly.
“I’m ready,” I whispered.