We kept doing this until we heard shouting from outside, “Who the f**k are you? That’s my lawn, ass**le.”
We both shot away from each other, our heads turning and I stared as I saw Douchebag Dan stalking toward Creed.
I reacted faster and moved quicker than Charlene, who was sitting frozen on the couch, staring outside, her mouth hanging open.
My eyes went back to the window to see Dan advancing on a Creed, who’d stepped away from the lawnmower and turned his not unscary attention on Dan. I grabbed Charlene and shook her firmly but gently.
“Kids,” I hissed and looked down at her to see her tear her eyes away from the scene in the yard to bring them to me. “Keep them in the back. Don’t let them hear their Dad.”
“But, Danny’s back. I should go out –”
“Kids, Charlene. Now.”
She held my eyes a second before seeing the wisdom of my instruction and nodding.
I took off.
I hit the front door just in time to see Dan, for some Douchebag Dan reason, rearing a fist back and aiming a punch on Creed.
A second later, I stifled a laugh but not my smile when Dan ended this maneuver on his belly in the turf with his arm yanked up his back and Creed’s knee in his spine.
“You can’t assault me on my lawn!” Dan yelled.
“I can defend myself when you try to assault me, moron, and if you don’t shut the f**k up and calm the f**k down, I’ll show you what assault actually is,” Creed returned.
This exchange went down as I was making my way to them and it ended when I stopped three feet away.
“What are you doing here, Dan?” I asked and Dan twisted his neck, yanking it back in a way that looked kind of painful since he hadn’t quit struggling so Creed hadn’t loosened the pressure.
He looked up at me.
“Who the f**k is this guy?” he snapped.
“Charlene’s new boyfriend,” I lied and Dan’s eyes widened to huge and his mouth dropped open.
“Sylvie,” Creed rumbled.
I grinned at him with him shaking his head, his lips twitching.
Then I looked back at Douchebag Dan to inform him, “She traded up.”
“Get him off me,” Douchbag Dan demanded, still struggling.
“Uh… just a reminder. He did tell you that if you shut the f**k up and calm the f**k down, he’d let you up.”
“He told me he’d assault me if I didn’t do that.”
I shrugged. “Tomatoes, toe-mah-toes.”
Dan scowled at me as best he could, seeing as his face was mostly in grass.
Then he said, “Okay. Whatever. I’ll calm down. Tell him to let me up.”
I looked back at Creed who was still fighting a smile. “Although you aren’t deaf, just in case you missed it, he says he’ll calm down. You can let him up.”
Creed’s grin broke through and he waited a full five seconds before he pushed off and straightened away from Douchebag Dan. This, incidentally, made me love him more and I already loved him a whole f**kuva lot.
Dan struggled to his feet, swiping at grass clippings on his clothes as he took a healthy, and wise, step back from Creed while glowering at him.