water jug, he had to bite back his growl at the sight of the tattoo high between her shoulder blades. Did she know it was there? Probably not. She’d gotten the stylized T not long after they’d mated as a surprise for him.
A small, gentle smile curved her lips as she came back to him, almost shy. “Tilt your head back.”
His cock reacted the way it always had to that little rasp in her voice. He did his best to ignore it and did what she asked, letting her pour water over his grimy hair, getting it nice and wet before lathering it up with sweet-smelling shampoo.
He had to bite back a groan as she massaged his scalp.
She made a little hmming sound as she finally began rinsing it.
“Your hair is so pale. Under the dirt, it’s so blond…” Her hand stilled.
He turned to her, taking in her small frown. “Scarlet?”
She shook her head. “Sorry…I’m not sure where my mind just went. Have you always worn it long?”
“Yeah.” The feeling of her fingers running through his hair made him want to moan with pleasure. How often had she done this for him? When he’d come home from fighting, bloody and dirty, sometimes wounded, she’d climbed into the bath or shower and washed his hair, his body. She’d always loved his hair.
“I like it.”
He made a rough sound, so desperate for her, for her to remember him, them, he wanted to fucking cry.
She grabbed a washcloth and soap, and he had to close his eyes when she dragged the soapy cloth over his shoulders, across his chest, and down his arm. She paused when she reached the gruesome scar in his forearm. He’d done it to himself, slicing the angel brand he’d been given out of his skin. Lost in his darkness, he’d done it so his demon could take them to Hell, to serve Diemos.
His stomach rebelled.
He hadn’t gotten here on his own, thank fuck.
Not until Lucifer had helped.
Things could have turned out very different if that had happened. He might never have found Scarlet down here. He might still be the cruel monster he’d become, killing indiscriminately, fueled by revenge.
Just the thought of the things he’d done made it hard to breathe, made it hard to live with himself. Without Scarlet, there would be no reason to even try.
“How did you get this?” she whispered.
He swallowed thickly. “I did it to myself.”
Her fingers curled around the scar, and she looked deep into his eyes. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“Because I lost the most important person in my world, my reason to live, and I didn’t care what happened to me anymore.”
Her lashes fluttered, and she bit her lip. “A female?”
He nodded.
“Do you…do you still love her?”
“Yes,” he said. “With everything in me.”
She blinked at him several times. “Oh.”
Christ, she was jealous…of herself. He couldn’t take it anymore. This was killing him. Tearing him apart. He cupped her chin and forced her to keep looking at him. He wasn’t able to tell her the truth. He wouldn’t risk losing her all over again, but he couldn’t stop himself from pushing.
“She was the most beautiful female I’d ever seen.”
She tried to pull back. He didn’t let her.
“So strong and brave and mine. I miss her so much I can’t fucking handle it most days. I want her back, Scarlet. I fucking want her back.”
Her eyes were wide and glistening. His words were hurting her. He wanted to fucking roar his frustration. “Who were you before you came here?” he growled.
Confusion flashed through her eyes.
“Where did you come from?”
“I don’t know—”
“Who were you, Scarlet?”
“I don’t—”
“Think,” he yelled. “Fucking think.”
“I can’t. I’ve tried,” she yelled back, trying to move away again.
No fucking way. “You haven’t tried hard enough.”
“I have…I have tried—”
“Are you a quitter?” he barked, the same words he used to use when they trained. The same words that would make her furious and fight harder, push harder.
And it worked now as well. Anger fired in her eyes, so familiar he struggled to draw breath. “No.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Nothing,” she said with more strength behind it.
“You are, you’re afraid of what you’ll remember.”
“No!”
She struggled, trying to pull away, and with every moment that passed, there were subtle changes in her expression, in the way she moved her body.
His Scarlet.
She was right there. Right fucking there.
“Quitter,” he yelled.
She growled.
He’d come this far, he had to keep pushing. “Stop being a fucking coward, Scarlet—”
“Fuck you, T, you egotistical dickhead. I don’t know