day, and he always got the same thing back. Nothing.
What he was hearing, that scream echoing through his mind every night, was his own damn guilty conscience. What else could it be?
He strode to the shower, desperate to wash the sweat from his body. Cranking the water as hot as he could handle, he climbed in.
Resting his hands on the cool tile, he let his head drop, hot water soothing his stiff muscles. And god help him as soon as he let down his guard, it flashed through him again, that brief moment when he felt her, his female. It had only been minutes, but it had hit him like a bolt of lightning.
That memory was visceral, so damn real, and always came at him when he was at his weakest.
It washed over him with the scalding hot water, forcing a cry from him before he could stop it.
He’d never felt anything like it. Elation, fear, an all-consuming longing for someone he’d never even met but was suddenly the most important part of him.
A missing piece he hadn’t known was missing until he’d felt her.
Then she was gone, and he hadn’t felt whole since.
Fuck, he’d known her at that moment, despite never laying eyes on her. And he felt her loss now in the same way he would feel the loss of one of his brothers.
He ground his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as it came again, this time stronger. It was like she was there with him now, a shadow pressed against his side. His cock hardened as that familiar craving for her pumped through him like it had back then. A craving that would never, could never be satisfied.
Gunner used to like fucking, a lot—females, males, goddamn orgies, it hadn’t mattered. It was just sex. A release. He couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t want anyone else. He only wanted one female, his female, and he could never have her.
It wasn’t even about the sex. It was a craving deeper than that, so much deeper. He saw it with his brothers and their mates. They only had to look at each other to communicate what they wanted, how they felt, and the longer they were together, the stronger it got.
Gunner could think of so many times Kryos would suddenly stop what he was doing and go to Meredith as if she’d just called his name. He’d said he just knew she needed him.
It didn’t matter what for.
He just knew.
Gunner had wanted that, more than anything. He wanted his female with a deep unwavering longing that physically hurt. Rocco was the only male who understood the feeling.
Not that Gunner had shared what happened to him with his brother. Rocco had enough to deal with as it was.
Another wave of longing hit him hard, making his muscles twitch and his limbs weak. He cursed and quickly ran the soap over his body, ignoring the ache of his neglected cock, and shut off the water.
She was dead. Gone forever. He’d feel her if she was still out there. And somehow, he had to learn to live with the unbearable grief of it.
He dried off, dressed, and got the hell out of his apartment. In his head was not somewhere he needed to be right then.
Grace came running out of her and Chaos’s apartment down the hall as he walked out. All color had drained from her face, and she was visibly shaking. The female was a warrior, not much scared her. But right now, she was close to freaking the fuck out.
“Grace,” Gunner called.
She was already pushing through the door into the stairwell, flying up the stairs. Gunner followed quickly. He caught up to her just as she ran into the control room, and unsurprising, Chaos was already striding toward her, face etched with worry.
“What is it, angel?”
“It’s her,” Grace said, voice shaking as she pulled out her phone, handing it to her mate. “Someone just texted me from her number.”
Chaos scanned the phone.
“What’s going on?” Gunner moved in.
Grace glanced up at him. “It’s from her phone, the female who helped me escape that warehouse. It’s been months. God, I thought she was dead.”
After letting them know where to find the abducted demi, she’d blocked Grace’s number and Grace had been worried about the female ever since, even going as far as getting her crew to keep an eye out for her, to ask around and see if anyone knew her.