Until her body was quivering, until her hands were in my hair and her back was arching straight off the bed, until she was calling out with the force of her orgasm.
I needed to do something different today, though. I needed to hold her under me, and I needed to hold her safe. I rose up her body, kissed her again, our hands on each other’s faces, and said, “I want to do it like this. Can you trust me?”
It was a long moment, and I held my breath.
“Yes,” she said. And opened her legs.
Sliding into her, her hands on my shoulders. Burying myself all the way inside her, rocking her long and slow. Her legs around my waist, her hands running down my biceps and back up again. Her mouth pressed to my tattoo, starting to bite. Her breath in my ears. Her voice, telling me, “Do that. Please. Oh, please. Do that some more. Gray. Gray.”
There’d never been a love like this. Never in the world.
Daisy
We lay together, afterwards, for a long time. My fingers trailing over his chest, his hand playing with a strand of my hair. I said, “It was so hard to believe.”
He said, “I know. But you can, you know. You can. I’m not perfect. But I’m yours.”
“You said something like that,” I told him. “You said today, and tomorrow, and the next day. I didn’t think you meant it.”
“I meant it. And it matters to me that you do, too.”
I rolled over him so I was holding him better. Holding him all the way, so he could feel it. I took his face in my hands, kissed his mouth, and said, “I mean it, and I’ll mean it tomorrow. And the next day, too. I know you’re not perfect. Neither am I. Maybe you’ll get knocked down again. Why would that matter to me? I know you’ll get back up again, just like you have every other time. I don’t love you because you’re standing now. I love you because you got up again. Because you work so hard. Because you never let up. Because the harder it gets, the harder you dig in. Why wouldn’t I bet on a man like that? Why wouldn’t I count on him?”
“You realize,” he said, a smile twisting his mouth, “that that’s you, too. Everything you just said is you.”
“Maybe,” I said, loving him so much, it hurt my heart. “We’ve both got baggage. Got too many scars.”
He said, “Maybe so. Or maybe that’s just life. If we could only love somebody who never disappointed us, I reckon we’d be in for a pretty lonely life. All we can do is try.”
I said, “I’ll try.”
He said, “I know you will. And so will I.”
He held me until I fell asleep.
53
Sucking at Golf
Gray
I wasn’t at my best for my golf game that afternoon, that was for sure.
On the second hole, I sliced the ball straight into the trees and never found it again. After it happened again on the back nine, Drew grabbed his bag, started to walk to the next hole, and said, “Want to tell us what’s happening?”
I said, “What, other than that I’m rubbish today?”
“Migraine again, eh,” Drew said. Luke just looked at me, steady and silent as always. Kane’s face was more sympathetic. But then, Kane hadn’t invested as much as the others.
I was responsible for this. Nobody else.
I said, “Yesterday. It happens a couple times a month. Odd that I’d get another one just before this meeting. Or,” I forced myself to go on, “maybe not so odd, because I’m under the pump and no mistake. I’m training a new foreman, but he’s not there yet. We haven’t fallen further behind, and I’ve got nine new fellas on, but it’s still going to be a stretch. And …” I took a breath and said it. “It looks like we’ll miss the deadline for foundation completion on the music studios.”
Drew asked, “What does that mean?”
I said, “Means we forgo the bonus.”
“So not a penalty,” Luke said. “Monetarily.”
“In fact,” I said, “it is. You count on the bonus when you calculate profit.”
“Are you sure you’ll be late?” Drew asked.
“Unless something changes fast,” I said, “yes. There’s something worse than forgoing the bonus, and that’s cutting corners. I’ve got to do it right, even if that means being late. No choice.”
“Not worth getting somebody killed,” Luke said.
“No,” I said. “It’s not. Or having problems down the road, either. It’s got my name on it. We’re