“Because she can dress any way she likes now,” Oriana said. “At first, when she decided to, you know, be a woman, she wore makeup and skirts and heels, but after ten years or so, she got tired of it. She likes being outside and she likes being comfortable, so she decided she’d dress in the way she likes, too. I never knew there were so many decisions, Outside. Even whether you’re actually a woman or a man.”
“Oh,” Frankie said.
“Do you feel like a man?” I asked. I needed to get ready for my date with Gray, and still, I sliced off a generous hunk of Sally Lunn, poured a splash of milk into my tea, and sat backward at the island in my dressing gown. This was important, too, and it wouldn’t take long to dress casually for a date, would it? I contemplated the fact that I actually didn’t want to dress casually, nerves or no, and that I might be secretly disappointed not to be getting the flash restaurant and the candlelight and flowers, not to be looking into Gray’s eyes across an intimate little table and, just possibly, having his hand brush mine on the tabletop while we sipped on something rich and red. After that, I contemplated the other fact that there was, apparently, no pleasing me.
“No,” Frankie said. “I just feel … different. Like I want something different. I want pretty clothes, and I like my new hair, and I want to do something else. Not cooking, and not farm work. I just don’t know what.”
“You’re picking up that computer stuff pretty well,” Honor said.
“Yes,” Frankie said, “but that’s fun, learning to use everything.”
Honor said, “Reckon there are worse ways to choose a career than doing what you enjoy.”
“Is that what you did, Daisy?” Frankie asked. “How did you choose? How did Dorian?”
It was the first time she’d asked anything like that, and surely that was progress. I chose my words carefully while I ate my Sally Lunn. Which was, yes, rich, decadent, and delicious. Spoiling my appetite, maybe, except not. I was ravenous. I could’ve eaten the whole loaf, just like I could’ve slept all day and all night. If I hadn’t had something good to wake up for, that is. I said, “Dorian did what he’d always liked. Maths. I still don’t know exactly what he does, but it’s something to do with actuarial tables. Risk management for commercial insurance.”
“I don’t know what that is,” Frankie said.
I laughed. “Neither do I, love. He likes it, though. It’s a kind of puzzle, I think, and satisfying when you test it and all the pieces fit together. That’s the good thing about doing more school. You find out what you like and what you’re good at, and they have people to help you sort out what to study so you can make a career of it. For me … it was more working in the hospital, I guess, seeing the excitement, thinking about how it must feel to take a person who would’ve died and make them well again, how satisfying that would be. I’d talk to the nurses a bit sometimes, when things were quiet, and they told me I could do it if I wanted to. Chance to be brave, eh. Chance to be strong. Having to move fast, in Emergency, to see different things, to make quick decisions. Excitement, but more than that.”
Huh. That was all true, actually. That was why I liked it. I liked solving the puzzle, the same way Dorian did. It was just a different puzzle. And I liked knowing I could climb that mountain every day. I liked knowing I’d made a difference.
I finished my bread, slid off the stool, and said, “And unless Gray wants to go out with a woman in a dressing gown, I’d better get my skates on.”
“How are you going to do your hair?” Frankie asked.
“I don’t know,” I said, then decided to ask, “Do you have an idea?”
“Yeh,” she said. “There’s this thing called Pinterest, and something else, YouTube, that lets you see exactly how to do things, because it’s filmed. You can find anything on it. I could try one of the styles on you, if you like.”
I wavered a moment, I confess. If it looked odd, or too fussy, how would I redo it without hurting her feelings, damaging this fragile olive branch we were standing on?
“You should let her,” Oriana said. “She’s been practicing