He could practically feel the cold floorboards beneath his bare feet and the warmth of the blanket clutched in his hand. Voices had woken him, the sound of muted anger and hushed pleas and simmering resentment coaxing him from his bed. He’d crept on small feet down the stairs in time to see the front door slam, and the only remaining part of his mother was the lingering of patchouli perfume like a scented ghost.
He remembered watching his grandmother stand there, head bowed, shoulders slumped. It was so foreign to see her in such a position that Ronan had actually gasped, making the older woman’s eyes swing toward him. His mother had left…again. Without saying goodbye, without offering her children a say in it, without seeing if they wanted to come with her.
He’d grown up on the toxic ideal that “boys don’t cry,” and he remembered the flood of shame at how his cheeks were suddenly wet and hot. He remembered the tremble in his lower lip and the flickering question in his mind: What did I do wrong? Most of all, he remembered how his little heart had hardened that day, like scar tissue knitting over a wound. Every time she left, another scar was created, until there were more scars than soft tissue. Until he was certain that the only person who could be trusted was himself.
Why the hell would people ever put themselves in a position to be staring at a closed door, abandoned and unloved? Discarded.
Because having her in your life is worth it.
The little whisper was so soft he almost didn’t hear it. It was more like the expelling of breath than spoken word. Ronan couldn’t remember a time in his life when he’d felt so happy, so content. When he actually looked forward to the end of the workday, because there was something else waiting for him. On the nights when Audrey would be coming over, he’d almost itch with anticipation—seeing her was the highlight of his day. Being with her gave him joy and reason.
It dawned on him…people were at the heart of motivation and happiness. Not things, not achievements, not accolades.
Relationships.
The very thing he’d used his work and success to avoid was at the heart of what he was studying. It was like coming full circle. He’d been training not to let himself get close to people, but in order for him to be happy now, he had to put himself on the line.
Without thinking, Ronan yanked the door open and started down the stairs, calling Audrey’s name. It wasn’t until a crisp breeze hit him in a place that cool breezes didn’t usually hit that he remembered he was still wearing only a towel. But he only had two options: miss catching Audrey or make himself vulnerable in every way possible.
Swearing under his breath, he bounded down the stairs and prayed that none of his neighbors would come out of their apartments. He was one gust of a breeze away from a public indecency violation.
Ronan made it down in record time. “Audrey, stop!”
She was strides ahead of him and powering forward like the hounds of hell were nipping at her heels.
How far are you willing to let this go?
All the way. He didn’t even need to think about it. He would parade his bare ass down Main Street if that’s what it took to get Audrey to stop and hear him out. Because they might not see eye to eye, they might disagree, and they might do things differently, but he cared about her. A lot. So much it felt like letting her walk away now would be the biggest mistake of his life.
“Audrey!”
She stiffened and turned, eyes widening as she caught sight of him on the outskirts of the college campus, bare-chested and the breeze tickling his nether regions beneath the towel wrapped precariously around his waist. He gripped the fabric tightly with one hand.
“Ronan, for God’s sake…” She shook her head. “You’re practically naked.”
“I don’t care.” He took several long strides toward her.
“But the college might.” She scrubbed a hand over her face. “I can’t… This is ridiculous.”
“No, it’s not. I couldn’t let you walk away without making something crystal clear.” He sucked in a breath and braced himself as a couple walked past, their eyes almost popping out of their heads. He ignored the giggling and focused his attention on Audrey. “I like you a lot. I…I care about you.”