A Kiss in the Snow - Rosie Green Page 0,4

horrible few seconds, I think I might actually faint. Face down in the fancy bloody leek soup with parsley and croutons.

I draw in a long, shaky breath.

Adam talks on, as my mind wrestles with this shocking new reality.

I’m watching his mouth, but his voice seems far, far away, like he’s speaking to me from outer space. And I feel so nauseous, I think I might have to excuse myself and rush out.

At least he doesn’t seem to have noticed my reaction. He’s too lost in talk of Krystle. I try to close my ears to his rhapsodising, but occasional words and phrases keep penetrating my foggy brain: ‘So incredible.’ ‘A crazy streak that’s completely irresistible.’ ‘Too good for me, of course.’

Anger rises up inside. Anger at myself, not at Adam.

Didn’t I tell my friend, Madison, months ago that I thought he might have a thing for my twin? But, being so full of hope and optimism (and delusion, as it turns out), I stupidly managed to airbrush those suspicions from the picture, leaving the way clear for my own happy-ever-after!

Adam is staring at me. ‘Are you okay, Carrie? You look really pale.’

I dredge up a smile. ‘I’ve got a bit of a headache,’ I say truthfully, as my temples beat a throbbing, insistent rhythm. ‘Actually…do you mind if we call it a night?’

He looks alarmed.

‘Sorry.’ I swallow. ‘It’s just…I feel a bit exhausted.’

He nods and glances around for the waiter. ‘I’m not surprised. You’ve been working non-stop with hardly any days off, covering for Krystle.’

He’s right about that. After Krystle and her fiancé, Ryan, called off their engagement back in the summer, she spiralled down and I’ve been working her shifts at the café as well as mine ever since.

But tiredness from hard work definitely isn’t the reason I’m desperate to escape the restaurant right now.

I get up, shrugging into my coat, eager to be away. ‘Do you mind if I…?’ I signal towards the door.

‘Yes, of course.’ He half-rises. ‘You go. I’ll phone you later.’

I swallow down a wave of nausea. Do I even want him to phone me?

Can I really carry on being Adam’s friend, knowing he’s crazy about my sister?

‘Actually, I’ll probably just get an early night,’ I mumble. ‘I’ll speak to you tomorrow.’

‘Take care. It’ll be icy out,’ he calls, as I flee the restaurant, almost colliding with a waiter on the way.

When I step out onto the high street, the frozen air surges into my lungs, making my eyes water. (At least, that’s what I tell myself.) I stand there for a moment, away from the restaurant window, gathering myself together and taking some steadying breaths. Then, panicking that Adam might catch me up and I’d have to ‘act normal’ again, I hail a taxi motoring along the high street with his light on. Thankfully, he draws into the kerb and I hurry over, sliding on a patch of ice and only just managing to save myself. My hand is trembling so much, I can’t get the door open.

But at last, I’m in the warmth of the taxi and we’re driving away.

I should have known it wouldn’t end well, this passion for Adam. Of course he never wanted anything more than friendship! Whatever possessed me to imagine he was starting to like me in a romantic way? That kiss at the bar meant everything to me - I’ve thought about nothing else since - but for Adam, it was probably just the impulse of the moment, forgotten a second later.

I feel ridiculous and humiliated…my insides hollowed out, like an ancient teddy bear whose stuffing has long gone.

There are some people in the world who simply aren’t destined to find that special someone…

*****

It’s still early – just after eight - when I let myself quietly into the flat.

I can’t face Krystle just now. Relief floods through me seeing the living room in darkness. She must be in her room, watching TV, which means I’ll be able to slip straight off to my own room …

‘Hi! You’re back early.’

She emerges just as I’m opening my bedroom door.

‘Yes. I’m…not feeling too good.’ I touch the side of my head. ‘I’m going to get an early night.’

‘Oh, okay.’ She sighs. ‘Mum phoned, wanting to know if she should cancel the wedding reception, so I had to convince her all over again that there was no chance of me getting back with Ryan.’

‘But I thought she knew it was all off.’

Krystle grimaces. ‘Yes, but they’ve been holding off cancelling just