I’m going to end up hogtied in the trunk of a car if I eat the rest of these, but I figure that might be pushing it. “I can’t imagine anyone has ever said no to free multiple screaming orgasms.”
She gives me a patronizing look. “Okay, Ronan, the joke is over. Off you go.” She shoos me away. “I have customers to serve and they want what you had.”
I leave the cupcake shop feeling a lot like I lost that round. I even forgot to pass her a coupon for free beer and fried pickles.
Lars has moved on from flirting with the group of women so he can serve other customers. I round the bar and flip the box open, intent on eating another one of the cupcakes. I shake my head when I see the rest of them. Each one has a message written on tiny sugary cookies: EAT ME, BITE ME, SUCK IT and there’s one rogue Death by Chocolate cupcake, complete with skull and crossbones.
Huh, looks like Alice has a sense of humor after all.
chapter six
So Hilarious
Blaire
My customer poll shows me that poetry slams are not quite as popular as I thought. So my plan to open our events with one is vetoed by Daphne and Paul in favor of Comedy Night.
It took all of two days, a few social media posts and two hours of auditions to secure our night of entertainment—I will say that there are a lot of people out there who think they’re funny but are not. We’re paying our entertainment in free cupcakes and booze, and even with the entry fee, which I was originally on the fence about, the café is packed. We have a fabulous selection of drinks, cakes, and savory treats. And Daphne has offered to make a few video clips of the entertainment to post on YouTube, which is amazing since I’ll be too busy mixing cocktails to handle something like that.
I fully believe nothing can ruin this night. That belief is naïve and likely shortsighted.
However, since the EAT ME cupcake incident, there’s been a shift with Ronan. One I’m not sure how to take. Yes, I still think he’s an asshole. Yes, I’m still wary. Yes, we still stand outside on Friday afternoons and toss coupons at customers, trying to get them to spend their money on our wares. But he’s addicted to my cupcakes. He comes in here every single night to get a hit of my special treats, and he can’t even hide his excitement or his enjoyment.
Normally I charge him, but that night I was feeling extra generous because he’s inadvertently sparked my cupcake creativity. I knew I had a winner on my hands, and that his reaction would inspire customers to buy what he was getting off on.
Every time he puts on a performance, I usually sell out of whatever’s left in specialty cupcakes, so the initial out of pocket was totally worth it. Is it annoying that he constantly leaves me coupons for wings and asks me if I’m ready for a “big girl drink”? Sure, but toying with him is as much fun as watching him scarf down my cupcakes while grudgingly moaning his delight.
He hasn’t made his daily stop yet, although generally he comes in later, within a couple hours of closing and after his dinner rush. I give my head a shake, because fixating on when Ronan stops in for cupcakes is unhelpful when I should be focused on my event.
Twenty minutes later, the opening act hits our small makeshift stage. Chairs and tables have been rearranged so everyone has a great view. At first I’m worried, because the guy is clearly nervous, but as the jokes start flowing and the crowd begins to chuckle and then laugh boisterously, he gains confidence. He finishes to a huge round of applause, and the bar is flooded with orders between the acts. Three comedians are scheduled tonight, which is perfect. It means rounds of drinks, appetizers, snacks, and desserts come in waves, which we’re prepared for.
Everything is going as smooth as buttercream frosting until the final comedian sets up. It’s almost nine and the sound of bass and feedback filters through the wall I share with Ronan’s bar, making the floors vibrate.
As the final act begins, she’s rudely interrupted by the sudden, very loud banging of…drums? It’s followed by equally loud guitar riffs, and a growly voice belting out lyrics, which eclipse the comedian entirely for a few seconds.