Kiss To Forget (Blairwood University #2) - Anna B. Doe Page 0,103
turns around to face me. “Hi.”
He’s still wearing the black shirt and suit pants that he had on earlier today, but somewhere along the way he lost his jacket and tie, leaving the top two buttons undone. Not for the first time in the last few weeks, I notice how tired he looks. His eyes are reddish and bloodshot, and the bags underneath them have grown bigger with each day that passes, the lines of his face turning harder and deeper.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask, a shiver running through my body.
The snow has melted, and the first signs of spring coming are here, but the night air is still cool. I wrap my arms around myself, rubbing them to warm up, even if just a little. I didn’t think to bring a jacket, but now that I’m out here, I don’t want to go back inside.
“Thinking…” Nixon lifts his hands, rubbing his face. He finally shaved this morning, changing back to the guy I met a few months ago. Physically, at least. Because I don’t think he’ll ever be the same again. I might not have known the loss that Nixon and Callie have experienced, but I’m familiar with the hole that is left inside you when you lose an essential part of yourself. I’ve had it all my life. “I just needed some alone time.”
“Today has been a lot.”
“That’s one way of putting it,” Nixon chuckles, the sound hard and completely unlike him.
He just buried his mother.
I move closer, needing to hug him, offer him the comfort he needs the only way I know how. But when I come closer, I notice that his clothes are darker, like… “Nixon, why are you all wet?”
“Funny you should ask.”
A chill runs through me, cutting me to the bone.
“What happened?”
“I went to check in on Jade.”
“Jade?”
Jade was holding it all in for most of the day, but when the ceremony started, she just broke. She managed to survive the ceremony, holding onto both Nixon and me, but just barely. Then when we got home, the poor girl finally crashed.
“And it turns out that it’s good I did because I found her floating in her bathtub.”
Díos mío. My hand flies to my mouth, my heart skipping a beat as my stomach sinks with worry.
“Is she okay? Do we need to call an ambulance?”
“She’s fine. She’s sleeping now. But she’s not okay. She tried to commit suicide, Yasmin!”
He turns around and, before I can see it coming, slams his fist into the railing, the force of the punch splintering the wood.
I wince as I see a flash of blood on his knuckles, my hand flying to cover my mouth.
“She tried to…”
“Nix, I’m so…” I try to wrap my arms around him, but he moves away from my touch.
“Don’t. Just, don’t.”
I gulp, feeling like he slapped me. I know this isn’t about me, about us, but his rejection hurts more than I can explain.
He runs his fingers through his hair, pulling at the messy strands. “I can’t do this.”
My heart aches for him. For his pain. First his mom, and now Jade. If he’d been just a few seconds later, would Jade have succeeded?
I don’t want to believe Jade would have gone through with it, but I can’t be sure. Jade is hurting now, and there is nothing anybody can do to take that pain away. She’ll have to learn how to live with it, hoping time will help seal some wounds if not heal them completely. But was she aware of what she was doing? How it would affect people around her? How it would affect Nixon? Because I don’t think he can take one more heartbreak.
“Why don’t you let me help you?”
He shakes his head. “I can’t do this, Yasmin.”
“Can’t do what?” I ask carefully, my heart sinking. He can’t mean…
“This thing.” He points to the space between us. “I can’t. It’s all too much. Mom, Dad, Jade… I can’t add you to the mix.”
“W-what are you saying?” The words tumble out quietly, my voice rough.
“What I’m saying is…” he starts, but then stops. Just when I’m about to ask him to explain he continues, “The guys are going back tonight. I think you should go with them.”
My heart stops as I just stare at him, not understanding where he’s going with this.
He wants me to… go?
“W-what?” I stutter, confused with the turn this conversation has taken. “Are you breaking up with me?”