more mistakes in this life.” That bit of wisdom had me wanting to lock myself inside for the rest of my days. “We’ll talk more tomorrow but keep trying with Dash. He’s an oddball, but he’s oddly good for you.” Her brows met as she stepped back, and her lips pulled tight. “In a way that shouldn’t work, but it just does.”
“Actually,” I said, swinging my legs over the bed. “Do you mind if I head to a party?” When she tilted her head and raised a brow, I hurried to add, “I’ll drive. Just to see if he’s there and if he’ll talk to me. Please.”
Maybe it was the desperation in my voice, eyes, or stance, but after staring at me for a drawn-out moment, she nodded. “Don’t stay if he’s not there. After homecoming, I think you need to lay low for a while.”
I agreed and told her I’d be home before she was, then tossed the chips into the trash to get ready.
Throwing my closet door open, I plucked a black frilly skirt out and a pair of black stockings, pulling them both on. I was already wearing a plain white T-shirt, so I left it on and added a spritz of perfume before dragging a brush through my tangled curls.
My eyes still bore the remains of the day’s mascara, but remembering Dash’s comment, you don’t need that shit, I shrugged and grabbed my phone and keys.
The moon hung low in the sky, surrounded by dazzling, dancing stars. Hope became untamable the closer I got to Rosetta’s place on the other side of the creek. She lived a five minutes’ drive away from Dash’s, so it’d make sense for he and his friends to wind up there.
I just hoped he was there, but even if he wasn’t, I was done soaking in self-pity and fear. I’d try the party down at the bay, and then I’d go to his house and demand that someone let me in. I had to tell him I was sorry, and most importantly, I had to tell him I’d realized I loved him too.
Because I did. I’d always loved him but not like this.
Love, I’d discovered, was something that multiplied. With every kiss and every touch, it continued to change shape as we continued to fall.
Dash was a bastard. A selfish, immature, and, at times, scheming prick.
But that wasn’t all he was. He was thoughtful, smart, generous, and loyal to a fault. Which he’d proved in more ways than one with how he’d fought with every breath to remain the main focus in my life.
Now, it was my turn to fight. I’d been a fool to think, even if it wouldn’t ruin our friendship, that he’d be the worst kind of boyfriend.
He wouldn’t. He was everything I’d been searching and hoping to find in someone else, never daring to look too close to home. I never thought it possible, not once, and the few times I had, fear would strike me hard and true. We couldn’t risk it, and it wouldn’t work. But we did risk it, and we did work. I’d just ignored it out of naïve self-preservation. After all, you couldn’t ruin something that never was.
Until I did.
My breathing turned chaotic when I parked at the end of the long car-lined street and followed the thud of the music to the drive of the golden bricked home. A few people from school were outside smoking and drinking. I waved when a girl from biology smiled at me.
The music pounded alongside my frantic heartbeat as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting inside. I slunk into the monstrous living room where couples were making out, or probably worse, on the couches while others danced around them. I ducked and weaved my way through.
I exited the kitchen without any sign of him or his friends and stopped at the base of the large oak stairs, peering into the crowd. Water splashed behind me, faint beneath the sound of the music. Fish. They had a pond filled with carp beneath their staircase. I tore my eyes away from the gurgling water, then pushed my way through throngs of people to head up the stairs.
Finally, on the second floor, I caught sight of Lars, who hadn’t been at school today, smoking on the couch. Raven was next to him with some girl’s legs tossed over his lap as he whispered into her ear, but I couldn’t see Jackson or Dash.