King's Country (Oil Kings #4) - Marie Johnston Page 0,85
cheeks. “I trusted you.” I loved you.
I still did. I didn’t think I could quit. But how could I move on? His grams had spilled the beans and he’d still come not knowing what to do or say.
“If we marry, it should be—”
“Leave.” I couldn’t stand talk of marriage. Not now.
His mouth snapped shut and he studied me. “I thought we could talk through this.”
“You missed all your chances to talk.”
“Bristol—”
“You need to leave.” Because I didn’t know what to do either. I’d been through breakups. They stung, but I came home, went to work, and forgot about them. I got on with my life.
Yesterday, it had felt like my life had imploded, only I was alone in my little snow globe of destruction.
“We’re stronger than this.”
I sighed. My tears were slowing. He’d come to make it better, but we were spinning our wheels in a big damn mud pit. I couldn’t see any way out. His birthday was in two weeks. He wasn’t dropping to one knee.
“Look, if you don’t get married by the fifth, I’ll write a check back to you.” If I could even spell an amount that large. “It’s not my money. Your brothers worked really hard to keep it in the family.”
“No, that’s not what I want.”
There was enough room in my heartbreak for anger. “You know what really gets me?” Other than Dawson’s role in all of this. And his brothers’. “It’s your mom. She made the rules. What did she think would happen?”
His gaze was steady, sadness emanating from his whiskey eyes. “She wouldn’t have wanted you to get hurt.”
“That’s what it seems like. That’s what Emilia’s hated me for. For most of my life. But if your mom really wanted me taken care of, then she could’ve just left a trust for me. So, I can’t accept the money. She didn’t want me to have it either.”
“That’s not what—”
“I’m not taking anything more from your family.”
“We don’t blame you for Mama,” he whispered.
I doubted that was true. How could they not? I was here and she wasn’t. Sarah’s death had become just another thing I’d been left behind to take the blame for.
He opened his mouth again, but I couldn’t let him get another word in. When it came to Emilia’s claims, he didn’t know how everyone in his family felt and it wasn’t like I could say fuck them like I did with the rest of the town. I blamed myself more than they did. And when it came to the trust, his words echoed in this big barn.
“Goodbye, Dawson.”
He let out a breath and stared at me, a crease across his forehead. He studied me for a moment and I lifted my chin. I clenched my jaw to keep my lips from quivering. With a shake of his head, he left.
I watched him walk out of my sight. Every step. Each boot strike drove a wedge further between us. I hadn’t given him a choice, but I couldn’t help but want more. I’d been nothing but a temporary distraction in my other relationships. No one ever planned for a future with me. I hadn’t been important enough to think of beyond the next date, the next way I could fulfill whatever they’d been looking for. I couldn’t bring myself to accept more of the same from Dawson.
I knew what I wanted from him. I wasn’t using him to make myself feel normal, to feel like I mattered. Being with Dawson had made me feel like myself for the first time since I was eight.
I hadn’t moved by the time he pulled away.
I sniffled and swiped at my nose. Back to work.
Wait, I’d been planning to eat.
I wasn’t hungry.
I yanked my helmet off the workbench, but my phone buzzed.
A message from Emma. I know we were supposed to meet for coffee next week, but I had the shittiest overnight at work and could vent. You free tonight?
I didn’t think before I messaged back. I’m free every night now.
Oh, shit. What happened?
Everything. Nothing? I don’t know.
I’ll be over with Taya. You mind?
My place isn’t . . . A real place? It’d be crowded with three of us in the RV and the trailer might be okay to use for the bathroom and laundry, but it wasn’t fit for entertaining. There wasn’t enough Febreze in the world for that. I settled for My place isn’t presentable.
Then we’ll tailgate. I don’t care if you live in a tent, it’s fine.