Kings of Anarchy (Brutal Boys of Everlake Prep #3) - Caroline Peckham Page 0,121

my voice broke as more tears spilled over. I was smiling though, the image he painted giving me something good to focus on.

"Tatum," he said heavily, leaning in to kiss my tears away. "You should really stop crying. Your tears make me bloodthirsty and I might go on a killing spree around campus. There'll be so many bodies, baby, and I don't want more blood on your hands."

A laugh bubbled up in my throat and he growled approvingly at that noise, rubbing his nose against mine.

"C'mere." He pulled me to my feet, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and guiding me to the balcony door. We stepped out into the fresh air and I gazed up at the now clear sky, an endless expanse of stars staring down at us from above.

We walked to the edge of the balcony and I just stared up at the impossibly large universe stretching out above me, reminding me of how small I was and yet my pain felt big enough to fill it all up.

"Someone once told me the people you love become stars and watch over you after they die," Kyan said and I glanced at him in surprise. "I beat the crap out of him to prove him wrong and showed him that even his dead grandma didn't care. But I kinda like the concept all the same."

I snorted a laugh and he looked down at me with a smirk. Oh Kyan. It was somehow the perfect thing to say because it made the weight in my chest lessen and the crushing grief lose its grip on me a little.

Kyan tugged me closer beneath his arm as the cold wind tore around us. Spring was on its way, but winter was putting up a good fight. I guessed that was how loss was too. Life always kept moving, even when you expected it to stand still or for the world to wither around you. Everything just kept moving forward and dragging you along with it. But letting go of this pain felt like a betrayal. Moving on felt like he didn't matter. And I was determined that he would always matter.

I shivered as the cool wind bit at the bare flesh above my knee high socks.

"You cold, baby? I'll get you warmed up," he growled.

"I'm not in the mood, Kyan," I sighed and he stiffened.

"I didn't mean sex." He turned me to face him, opening his blazer and wrapping it around me so his body heat enveloped me. My dad's ashes were held between us and he didn't press too firmly against me, making sure they weren't squashed. "I don't want you to think that's all this is for me."

"I don't think that," I said earnestly, but he was still frowning. "I can feel that it's more than that."

"Well…I wanna prove it too," he said seriously. "I've never felt like this about anyone. I'd die for you, baby. And I don't mean that in some bullshit romance movie kinda way, I mean it. I'd take a knife under my ribs for you all the way to my heart." The fire in his eyes made my lips fall open and I reached up, tracing my fingers over his face to memorise the way he looked right now. Like a monster who’d just been handed back his soul.

"I'd do the same for you, Kyan. If anything ever happened to you, I..." I shook my head, the idea making my heart clench and panic cleave my chest apart.

"Nothing will happen to me," he growled. "I'm ninety nine percent of people’s worst nightmare."

"But the last one percent are all the dangerous assholes you've probably pissed off," I teased and he gave me a lopsided grin.

"That's why I carry a knife." He smirked and I shook my head at him.

He leaned down to kiss me and I let myself get lost in the slow movements of his tongue, the gentle way he touched me for once. This was all so new to us both and I could sense how deeply he really wanted to prove that this wasn't just some fling.

"My pa once told me the only things worth loving in life were the things you could rely on to be there forever. Like pay-per-view porn and mediocre coffee."

I breathed another laugh. "Your family really knew how to raise a kid."

"Yeah, luckily Martha took on a hefty chunk of the role or I'd probably be jerking off into a shitty cup of joe right now instead