site getting to know anyone rather than just managing people and sharing news about the band. You think I’m the spastic fan? You don’t even bother to talk to people unless we’re talking about what goes through Adam’s head when he writes songs.”
I felt gutted. “You’re not hoping to meet Adam?”
She threw her hands up. “Of course, I’m hoping to meet him. You think I’m insane? This almost famous shit’s really gone to your head, Layla. You know they don’t belong to only you.”
“Are you expecting me to introduce you? You don’t expect Jo to introduce you to Micah?”
“Put yourself in my shoes for a minute, Layla. I mean, I know you’ve been an insider for the breathtaking span of a month, but if our roles were reversed, wouldn’t you harbor the possibility of meeting him?”
Then I remembered that I’d had that exact hope when I’d first met Jo. It was an innocent desire. I didn’t really expect to meet Micah or Eden or Adam, but by virtue of knowing Jo, the door had opened.
“Cause if you think you wouldn’t have wanted to, you’re fucking crazy, Layla.”
Her last words hit me, hard, right in the heart. It was exactly what I’d said to Shane.
“Oh, my God.” My head began to spin, and I laid my forehead in the palms of my hands. “Oh, shit.”
Bless her, Ash didn’t ask the Uber driver to stop and let her out. She laid a hand on my knee. “Are you okay? What’s happening?”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I lifted my face from my palms, unsurprised to find them damp. The dam threatened to break, and my voice cracked. “I’m such an asshole.”
She took my hands, despite the tears. “I hadn’t ever thought so before today. What’s going on?”
“Everyone crawled out of the woodwork. People I’d never talked to before. They all started wanting something from me. At first, it was nice. But then it kept happening, and—”
“—it got creepy. I can imagine. I’ve had a few people hitting me up to find out if we could set up a site-level meet and greet for one of their New York shows. I told them not to be presumptuous wankers. Ever since Adam came by for the Q&A, they all feel closer to him.”
“To be honest, I did feel like you. Exactly like you. Only I hid it. I pretended I wasn’t a huge fan. I didn’t tell anyone about the site. I thought it would scare them off.”
“Well, that seemed to work out then.”
“Except it didn’t. Not with the one person who matters.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Little clue here?”
“Shane.” My breathing sped up with the mention of his name, and the sobbing kicked in for real. “Now I get it. I get what he meant.”
“Hello? You want to get me up to speed?”
“If I’d spent years like this instead of days . . .”
“So, I guess you’re just going to talk to yourself now. You need a minute alone?”
Her words registered, and just like that I started laughing. “He wanted me to prove it was always him. How could I do that? He’d never believe me.”
“A one-sentence summary would probably suffice. Otherwise, I’m not gonna be much help.”
I blotted my face with the hem of my shirt. “When Shane found the site, he jumped to conclusions. He thought I was only dating him to get to the other guys—Noah or Adam.”
“But Adam’s married. Wait.” Her mouth dropped open. “You’re dating Shane?”
“Was.”
“Holy shit. Good on you!” She twisted her mouth and muttered, “Mental note to cross him off the list.”
“Ash, I really am sorry. I should have just asked you instead of exploding all over you.”
She leaned forward and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “You know I love you, Layla.”
“Love you, too, Ash.”
“Not as much as you love Shane, though.”
I smacked her. Then I looked into her eyes for some hope. “Help me figure out how to prove I’m not this super fan, that I’m not just using him.”
She shrugged. “Shut down the site.”
The core of the earth could have detonated at that moment, and it wouldn’t have held a candle on the extinction-level event blowing my brain like a fiery comet.
“Shut down the site? My site?” The site I’d built from scratch, cultivated, maintained, marketed, grown, and loved like a best friend. It could be as irritating as a needy toddler, but in the absence of any real friends, the site had been my sole companion. I tried out the suggestion again. “Shut down