seemed to have ushered him in, the white vapor billowing off his overalls and jacket and coming with short, erratic puffs from the misshapen hole of a mouth. His big jaw was lopsided and hanging like a flour box tilted and about to fall off the edge of a counter.
“Daddy?” She could hear herself say the word and the brittle sound of it usually jerked her out of her sleep before she had to endure the sight of him falling, helplessly, against gravity and death to the linoleum floor. One eye was dropped and already sightless, but the other was clear and blue and wide like he was trying to record as much of his daughter’s image as he could in the seconds he had left.
She had stood alone next to an uncle at her father’s burial. The marble marker that held her mother’s name, the one she had been taught to pray at from the time of her first memories, was replaced by a single headstone bearing both her parents’ names. For some reason when she recalled that day, she remembered the clods of earth piled up on the grave, misshapen hunks yanked out of the frozen ground and too ice-hardened to smooth out. And she also remembered swearing to herself, “To hell with the rules. I’m leaving this place before it kills me.”
Yes, Daddy would like the idea of her dating a cop. But he wouldn’t like the rule breaking. And man could Kyle break the rules. That thing with the patrol car on the expressway. She thought she was going to pee! Then the drinking, while he was driving! “So what’s to worry? They’re not exactly going to pull me over.”
And that time he was picking her up and before she could get to the curb those punks with the leather and nose-buttons started wolfing on her? She’d never seen anyone move so fast. She had ignored the two and went to open Kyle’s passenger door and all she could figure later was that he had popped open his own side at the same time. When she sat down and her eyes cleared the roofline, he was gone, like a magic trick. A yelp from the sidewalk snapped her head around and there he was. One of the rivet boys was up against the wall of Nadine’s Nail Design, hands up flat on the brick, legs spread and shaky. Kyle had the other one hooked by a fistful of black T-shirt and she heard the splat of that police billy club thing against the slick leather of his pant leg. When Kyle had them both against the wall she could tell he was talking but keeping his tone low, like he did sometimes with her when he got pissed and all she could hear was that low bass rumbling that came from his chest. She stayed in her seat, knew, even that early in their relationship, not to enter that bristling zone of electric air that surrounded him.
He was up close to the guys, in between them, his jaws working and both of them seemed like they didn’t even want to turn their heads to look at him. She could tell what he was doing with the club that was now in front of him. She thought he was going to step down when the one on the left bobbed his head, saying something, and suddenly Kyle had a piece of the guy’s ear, ring and all, in his grip, stretching it like the guy was some kinda Gumby toy and she could hear the dude whining: “OK, OK, man. OK.”
Only then, after he made the guy cry, did he back away and come around and get back in the car as cool and unruffled as though he’d just checked on a locked door during some night patrol.
“Jesus, Kyle,” she’d said as he started the car. “What was that about?”
“I don’t let street turds like that insult my girl,” he said, looking over at her, giving her that closed-mouth smile.
They had sex that afternoon at her apartment in a straight- backed kitchen chair and when he’d dropped his belt and the butt of that gun hit the floor she’d felt it thump in her heart and Christ, there was that guilt thing again. But she couldn’t help herself for getting off on the excitement and twinge of danger that the guy carried around with him. What girl didn’t like that page of fantasy that had her man