punishment, I couldn’t eat hardly any food at all.
“My room was cold with no insolation, walls, or anything else. I didn’t have toys, warm blankets, or even warm clothes to wear. My bed was nothing more than a cot placed in the middle of a desolate area in the attic with a few other people. The only time I saw the nice bedroom decorated for me was if my father was having a party or some event he needed me by his side for. Then I was permitted to enter my ‘other bedroom’ to dress in fancy clothes and make sure everyone thought I was protected and loved. The second he could, my father forced me back into the rags I was wearing, and the beatings and torture would start again.
“There isn’t a day I wasn’t yelled at for the slightest infraction. Told I was useless, a waste of space, someone who should’ve been aborted instead of born, and anything else my father could say to hurt me. I was kept dirty, unkempt, and not allowed much other than a bowl of water to wash myself up with once or twice a week. There was never any love or care from him unless people were around. People other than those who worked for him. Those people didn’t count to him because they were his servants. Nothing more than I was as his daughter.
“Every year I only had more and more work added on to my daily list of tasks to complete. He didn’t give a shit if I got any sleep, ate, or took care of basic human necessities. If I tried to get out of work, I was beaten. The only time I’d cut corners to try and get my work done was when exhaustion was taking over completely. There were so many days I could barely keep my eyes open while I tried to work in the house my father kept us all locked up in.
“The older I got, the more his men would taunt me about raping me. They wanted me and didn’t make any bones about it. From the day I got my first period, I was old enough for them. At least that’s what they told me on a daily basis. I was constantly looking over my shoulder for the men in case they decided to go against my father and rape me. Do you know what that’s like?” Gwen says, speaking slow and quietly as tears stream down her face.
Gwen’s body is folded in on herself as she recounts what she’s been through. Never in a million years did I think things were as bad as what she’s explaining to these women in the room. The feeling to race to her and hold her in my arms rushes through every fiber of my being. Instead, I fight the feelings and remain rooted to where I’m at in the back of the room. After taking a deep breath, Gwen goes on.
“When I got old enough, one of my father’s associates started to take an interest in me. His name is Neil. He didn’t have any qualms about making it known he wanted me simply to have me obey him as a trophy wife. One night, when he came over for dinner, he took things from me no man has a right to take. After dinner, Neil walked me to the room I used when company was over. Instead of letting me go in the room alone, he followed me in. That was the night I lost my virginity because Neil raped me. No one would help me or stop him. Everyone kept their distance and didn’t say a word because they knew they’d be punished.
“I had to clean myself up alone and then make my way back to help clean the house after Neil left. Until right this second, I don’t honestly know if anyone has ever been told about what he did to me. When the rape happened, he was extremely brutal, and I bled for several days. There wasn’t an inch of my skin that wasn’t bruised, cut open, or without pain. I had never felt anything like it before in my life. Including all the beatings I had in the past.
“From there, Neil would take every opportunity to use and abuse me. He would say and do things to make me feel so broken and less than a human being, I didn’t know what to do. My father wasn’t any help. The