Without a word, Gwen turns on her heel and leads me to the room she’s been staying in while here. It’s the same one I moved her out of not long ago. She sits on the edge of the bed, tucking her legs up underneath her. In the position she’s in, Gwen looks so small and unsure of herself. A look I don’t ever want to see on her again.
“Look,” I begin after shutting the door. “I’m not a good man. I’ve done things and seen things you’d hate to know. Not only for the club, but while I was in the military too. I spent over eight years of my life killin’ and doin’ missions based on what I was ordered to do. My every move was monitored by my commandin’ officers. When I retired, years ago, I came here to join the club. I crave the freedom and brotherhood it offers me. Something I only got in the military. Well, the brotherhood part anyway.
“When I first saw you, the day we stormed your father’s house, something in me changed. I knew you’d change my entire life forever and I was right. You make me want to be a better person so I’m worthy of you. Instead, all I’ve done is push you away and ensure you’ve seen me with the house bunnies. Let me tell you, it was simply an itch that needed to be scratched. Instead of tellin’ you how I felt, I chose to be with them. Picturin’ you while they were suckin’ my cock. Never once, after the first month or so did I fuck them.”
Pausing, I look at Gwen. Her eyes are filled with tears at the words I’m saying to her. I know I’m opening wounds she’d rather leave closed. Still, this needs to get out. I need to get this off my chest. Then the ball will be in her court and I’ll have to live with her decision.
“I want you to grow and experience things you’ve never gotten a chance to live before. However, I know how I am. When I make you my ol’ lady, there will be no other men or women for either one of us. You can still go out, experience what you want to. I’ll just be at your back when it happens. Gwen, I can be faithful to you and I’ll love you more than anyone else could even begin to imagine doin’. You’re my Sparrow and I want to do nothin’ except for set you free. Not free from me, but the chains and cage that hold you back from truly livin’ free and gettin’ out in the world,” I tell her, laying it all out on the table.
Gwen simply looks at me for the longest time. I’m so absorbed in her eyes, I’m not even sure if she’s still breathing. Other than her still sitting up in front of me. She’s so still and silent, there’s nothing else to suggest her breathing. Her eyes penetrate me, holding me hostage as she finally stands from her bed and makes her way over to me.
Since I’m so much taller than her, I have to look down in her face. I’m not sure what she’s about to do, but I remain perfectly still as I wait for her to make a move.
“Why are you doing this to me?” she finally asks, her voice trembling as I try to figure out what she means. “I’ve had the largest crush on you since arriving here. Even before then if I’m being honest. Now, you’ve moved me into your home, kissed me, and now you’re telling me all this. Why? Are you trying to hurt me more?”
“No. I’m not lyin’ to you. I want to be with you. Gwen, you’re the only one I want as my ol’ lady, I want to marry you, plant my babies in your belly, and grow old with you. You’ve wrapped yourself into my soul and there’s no way I can separate myself from you. I don’t want to,” I respond to her.
“Killer, this can’t happen. We know absolutely nothing about one another. I’ve been around the club for a long time now and this is the first I’m hearing about you feeling anything for me. Why now? Did you hear I’m doing online dating? Or are you tired of all the random pussy at the club and on the road. I’m not the same meek,