figure out if you want to proceed with it. I keep hearing you tell me Killer would never be interested in you, why is that?” she asks me, forcing me to dig deep inside myself.
“I’ve seen the women he’s with. I’m nothing like they are. I’d never be okay with having sex with him in front of other people. Or in a bathroom,” I begin, letting my emotions take over at the last time I saw Killer in a compromising position. “He doesn’t want to settle down or be with one woman. I can’t be with a man who’s going to cheat and expect me to be some little doormat he keeps at home while he has his fun at the clubhouse or on the road when he goes out of town.”
For minutes on end, so long it feels as if hours pass us by, Denise doesn’t say a word to me. She simply looks at me as if she’s trying to dig into my soul. I’m not sure what she was expecting, but what I’ve said is not what she’s expected me to tell her.
“Are you sure he’s not interested in you?” she questions me. “I mean, you don’t have a lot of experience with men or being out in the world. You just got a job for the first time in your life, making your own money. Maybe he’s giving you a chance to find yourself before you become tied to him.”
“I don’t think so. Killer isn’t the type of guy to sit back and not go after what he wants. None of the members are. If he wants a woman, he takes her. No matter where they are or what is going on around him,” I respond to her. “If Killer wanted me, I’d know it. You know I’ve gotten pretty good at reading people around me. That’s why I don’t let their words hurt me the way they did when I first started having these sessions with you.”
Instead of letting Denise try to figure out what I’m talking about, I fill her in on what happened my first day of work. How she made sure to tell me Killer wanted her to get his supplies for him along with insinuating her using them with him. I don’t leave anything out of the situation. Including Mark and how he comforted me a little bit after the incident.
“How do you feel about Mark?” Denise asks, not taking her eyes off me.
“I don’t feel anything for him. He’s a co-worker. I would never date someone I work with because if things go bad, one of us would have to leave there. It wouldn’t be Mark because he’s been at the store longer than I have. I’d never do that for him. Besides, I don’t get butterflies in my stomach like I do whenever Killer is in the same area as me.”
“I want you to think about your feelings for Killer. Take everything into consideration and really figure out what you want,” Denise tells me, looking at her watch. “I also want you to think of a few ways to put yourself out there if you decide you don’t want to pursue anything with Killer.”
Nodding my head, I stand up and let Denise lead me from the room. I don’t have to set up my next appointment since Denise automatically has me penciled in for the same day and time every single week. That’s one of the reasons I’m happy I chose to work with her. So, bypassing Alicia at the front desk, I offer up a wave before heading back outside and making my way toward my car.
Brandon is still sitting on his bike until I get next to him. Sliding his phone in his pocket, so he can get ready to head out. I remind him I’ll be heading to work. If he wants to hang out in the parking lot there, it’s on him. I don’t feel it’s necessary for him to be there when it’s not as if I’ll be alone yet. There’s still a lot for me to learn before I can even think about having a shift to myself.
We make our way to the store. Once in the parking lot there, Brandon parks his bike and gets comfortable once again. He’s going to be sitting here for six hours today. That’s a long time for someone to simply sit on their bike while I’m in working my shift. Maybe on my break I’ll call