Kickin' It (Red Card) - Rachel Van Dyken Page 0,9

on the surface while I was dying a little bit on the inside.

“Parker?” Matt said my name softly, but it was jarring, so I jumped in my seat and nearly spilled the water in my hand.

“Hmm, yes?”

“Are you okay?”

I swallowed and looked down at my lap. I tried to force a smile and look unperturbed. It had been a year of forced smiles and trying not to react, hadn’t it? If this past year had taught me anything it was that all I had was myself, my dreams, and Willow. My dad had never wanted me to go pro, he put huge value on education and had always looked at soccer as a hobby. I swear he was relieved when my coach all but said he would blacklist me.

And that was the final nail in the coffin of my relationship with my dad.

Because I was his only daughter.

His flesh and blood.

And he never asked me why a coach would threaten his own athlete.

Never asked why I flinched when my coach touched my arm.

Maybe he knew.

Maybe he didn’t want to know.

In my mind that made him just as bad as my coach, just as guilty.

“I’m fine.” My voice sounded weak to my ears but I smiled at everyone around the table. I put on a show like I always did. I tried to make everyone believe I was great when inside I felt exactly the opposite.

I really needed to find a new therapist. One I could trust. One who didn’t work for the college—one who didn’t sleep with the very coach who sent me to see her in the first place.

“You look fine.” Jagger frowned at me and then looked at Matt. “So, three months, huh? Nothing but estrogen floating around your house. You think your balls are going to shrivel up any smaller?”

“The real question is, can they get any smaller?” Slade piped up.

I smiled like everyone else.

And ate my food.

I nodded when people spoke to me.

I didn’t cry when they talked about the game I loved so much.

It was like standing outside my body, watching the performance, coaching myself on all the right things to do so that I didn’t mess up my last chance. It was emotionally and physically exhausting trying to keep that smile in place.

So when dinner was over, I slouched a bit in my chair before standing.

“Hey.” Slade’s wife, Mackenzie, put a hand on my shoulder. “You look like you’re about to be sick.”

I flinched. I hated being touched. Being touched reminded me of dark things done in dark places.

I politely stepped away from her as if she had startled me, and then shrugged. “It’s just been a really long day.”

She shook her head and tossed her caramel-colored hair. Her wide smile was so engaging it was hard not to smile back. “I have those often, so I get it. Well, I hope you stick around longer than the summer.”

I sighed as my stomach dropped. “That all depends on if I get signed with a team.”

“Signed?” Jagger butted into the conversation. “Who’s interested?”

“As of right now, nobody,” I said as Slade joined us, his penetrating gaze going right through me. I was ready to have a full-blown panic attack at the attention. It wasn’t just that he was a big deal, he was a soccer god, his fan clubs had fan clubs, so the fact that he was even overhearing the conversation was sucking the oxygen from the atmosphere.

Mackenzie must have noticed because she rolled her eyes at the men as they waited for me to say more about my nonexistent career. “Could you guys give us a little privacy?”

Slade gave her a What did I do face before walking away.

She wrapped an arm around me, again causing me to tense up, and pulled me aside. “So you had interest and now no interest? I feel like there’s more to the story, spill.”

“I don’t know you,” I blurted stupidly. I didn’t just blindly trust people, I’d learned that lesson the hard way. I’d barely even filled Willow in on everything. It gave me anxiety just thinking about it, and my chest tightened as I tried to suck in some air through my pursed lips.

“Which should make it easier.” She stared at me.

I glared right back.

She didn’t so much as flinch.

I decided I liked her. She reminded me of Willow. I liked strong women, and she seemed like one of those women.

Finally, I relaxed a fraction. “I have interest from Seattle.” I didn’t tell her that’s