"Good." She moved up the side of the bed, then sat and gathered my hand in hers. "I know it feels right now that death would be the easier option, but trust me, it isn't."
"But the keys—"
"We can sort out the key problem together," she said. "But you cannot allow yourself to fall into the trap of death. There are those in this world who can recall spirits and force them to do their bidding. What makes you think they will not do that to you?"
"Because they need me in flesh form to find—"
"So they've told you," she cut in, "but are you certain it's the truth?"
No, I wasn't. I took a deep, shuddering breath and released it slowly. "Life," I said softly, "sucks."
She laughed and bent over to drop a kiss on my forehead. "Yeah, it often does. But I'm so glad you decided to stay with us. I couldn't bear to lose you so soon after losing your mother."
If she'd wanted me in tears, then she'd damn well succeeded. She smiled and brushed them away with a gentle finger. "I couldn't be more proud of you if you were one of my own. You know that, don't you?"
I knew. In her eyes, she'd always had six children, not five. Dia might have given birth to me, but Riley had nevertheless adopted me. And I loved her almost as much as I loved my own mother. Which was why I couldn't let—
She pressed her fingers against my lips. "Enough with the self-sacrificing behavior. You can and will have our help, whether you like it or not. Now," she added, brisk and businesslike, "Ilianna is waiting out in the hall, desperate to see you, but she's under strict orders from the nurses and from me not to be more than a few minutes. Okay?"
"Okay."
She went out. Two seconds later, Ilianna appeared. I smiled, utterly relieved to see her safe and sound, but there was tension in me, too. I was ultimately responsible for what had happened to her, after all.
But when my gaze rose to hers, all I saw was complete and utter acceptance of all that had happened. There was no hate, no bitterness, not even regret or reproach. Just acceptance.
And I found myself wishing I could find even half of her serenity. Those damn tears welled again. "God, Ilianna—"
"Ris, it's okay," she said. "This event was foretold a long time ago, and even though I had thought it would be Carwyn's child I'd bear, I can't regret what happened. Not knowing what I do of her fate."