I mean, I was now destined to become Mijai the next time I died, and Mijai could become flesh. Maybe it would be better for them if I did die.
But with Azriel gone, there was no way to get any answers to questions like that…
Except, he doesn't have to remain gone…
The thought rose like a ghost, seductive and enticing. I pushed it away. If I was going to invite him back into my life, then I'd do it the fair way – when I was safe rather than in trouble.
I studied the mess now that the white dust had started to settle. What it revealed was the broken remnants of the bed and bathroom. Wiring hung like limp snakes from the remains of the ceiling, and the lines of silver ducts that crossed the room had been torn open in several places.
I couldn't see anything that suggested there was another trap waiting, but that didn't mean there wasn't. There was only one way I could ever be sure, however.
I carefully imagined Jak and me as two separate beings, and reached for the Aedh. The magic stitched us back together, until flesh was fully formed and we became ourselves once again.
There was nothing at all elegant about my reappearance this time. I landed with a splat on the dust-covered concrete, shivering and coughing and generally feeling like shit. Back to the old days, I thought bleakly. But I twisted around, ignoring the red-hot pokers that jabbed into my brain as I looked for Jak.
He was lying within arm's reach, his clothes shredded but his flesh whole. And he was breathing.
Relief spun through me, but I didn't entirely relax. I reached out and poked him with a stiffened finger. "Jak? You okay?"
"No, I'm fucking not." His voice was raw and somewhat shaky. "You just tore my whole body down to atoms and then re-formed it. To say I feel like shit is something of an understatement."
"Welcome to my usual state of being," I muttered, my gaze sweeping the room again. Given the mess and destruction, it was likely that if there had been clues here, they would have been destroyed. But I still had to look.
At least I would when I no longer felt like throwing up.
"Why the hell would you put yourself through something like that?" Jak raised a hand and scrubbed his forehead rather gingerly. "I mean, it hurts."
"Better that than being dead." I carefully pushed up into a sitting position, but no amount of care could stop my stomach from leaping into my throat. I swallowed heavily and added, "And that was our only other option. Just look at the walls."