I didn’t want to. I really didn’t, but there was a note of command in his voice that I couldn’t ignore. I opened my eyes and stared into the blue of his. Saw the understanding there, the compassion.
It shook me almost as much as the rage.
"The events of the last few months have not only threatened your physical well-being," he said softly, "but also damaged your emotional safety and security. It is natural that, sooner or later, you will experience trauma-induced incidents such as this."
"But I was moving on, I was coping. Why would the rage hit now and not before, when it all first happened?"
"Because you did not seek help for—or even talk about—the events. You bottled it up inside and forced yourself to go on as normal—"
"But I didn’t. I was useless to everyone for weeks—"
He squeezed my hands again, his gaze searching mine—and, I suspected, seeing far more than anyone else ever had. "That was grief, and natural given what had happened. But we are connected through our chi, and I know the fury, self-loathing, and uselessness that burn inside you, even now."
Tears tracked their way down my cheeks, cold against my skin. I didn’t dispute his words, though. How could I, when they were true?
I hadn’t dealt with the anger at all. I’d merely pushed it down, pushed it away, and tried to function as normally as I could.
"The rage had no outlet until these men—who may or may not be involved with your mother’s killer—reentered your life." He released one hand and touched my cheek lightly, and I closed my eyes against the compassion in his eyes and the sense of caring in his touch.
He was a reaper. He couldn’t care.
It was dangerous to even think that, because he was only here for the same reason as everyone else—to find my father.
"Yes," he agreed softly, "but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand what you are going through, or sympathize with the rage. I have felt such rage myself."
I opened my eyes again. "But you’re a reaper—"
"I’m a Mijai," he corrected. "And as a warrior, I have experienced more than my fair share of loss."