"No." I ran my fingers back up the tribal patterns. A tremor moved through him as I touched the one that resembled a comet trailing fire. "But he is not the reason I'm standing here, Azriel. He's not the one I want right now."
"But you will want him in the future?"
I hesitated, but there was no denying the reality of the situation. I would have sex with Lucian in the future—partly because I generally enjoyed being with him and partly because it was a means of self-preservation. If Jak had taught me anything, it was never to invest too much of myself in a relationship unless I was absolutely certain it was that "forever" one. And neither Lucian nor Azriel could be that, no matter how much I might enjoy being with Lucian or how strong the pull toward Azriel.
"Yes," I said eventually, and let my hand drop back to my side. "I will continue seeing Lucian. But that does not mean I cannot also be with you. Werewolves are by nature—"
"Do not," he interrupted sharply, "use your werewolf heritage as an excuse. It is fear that governs your actions on this, nothing more, nothing less."
"I prefer to call it self-preservation." I stepped back from him, though it was the last thing I wanted to do. "You said I couldn't continue to deny what is between us. Well, I'm not. But I will not commit wholly to something that must end when all this is over. If you want otherwise, then I'm sorry, but I just can't do it."
"And I do not know if I—" He cut the words off and took a deep breath. Then, finally, he turned around to face me. His mismatched blue eyes were turbulent and dark, but the emotions moved through them too quickly to identify. "You once wondered what it would be like to make love to a reaper. That is not something I can share with you. You are not ready for it."
I raised my eyebrows, but said nothing, simply because I sensed a "but" coming.
The smile that twisted his lips was a brief acknowledgment that he was still following my thoughts.
"But," he said softly, lightly pressing his palm against my cheek, "I can share what it is like to be with a reaper in human form. And perhaps in the end that will be less dangerous for us both."
He didn't mean physically dangerous. He meant emotionally. And he was wrong on both counts. He was breaking all reaper rules, and I was risking my heart yet again—how could any form of relationship between us not be considered dangerous?
And yet, as he'd noted earlier, sometimes the gain was worth the punishment—or the broken heart, as I suspected might be the case for me if I wasn't very, very careful.
"I don't care what form you're in, Azriel," I said, meeting his gaze steadily. "I just want you. Here. Now."
His hand slid from my cheek to the back of my neck, then gently tugged me closer.
"Well, then," he said, his words a warm caress that made my lips tingle, "I guess I have no choice."