No, she wanted to say, no. But she held the words in check. He has to leave. He can't stay. The statement ran through her mind, over and over, as he turned and walked to the door.
"Don't,” she whispered, as he reached out to grab the door handle. He glanced back at her. “Jasper won't come near you again. I vowed that, and I meant it." She wasn't afraid of Jasper right now. She was afraid that Michael would walk out the door and she'd never see him again.
Wasn't that what she wanted?
"Bye, Nikki.” He turned and left. The door slammed shut behind him, rattling the display case in the living room. A crystal vase rocked and fell to the floor.
The sound of it smashing was the sound of her heart.
Chapter Seventeen
The silence drove her crazy. Nikki prowled through the house, trying to find something, anything, to do. Now that she had the time to think, it was the one thing she was desperate to avoid. Michael had walked out the door, probably forever. And she couldn't help the notion that, in a lifetime filled with mistakes, she'd just made her biggest.
But I want to be alone. I don't want to share my life with anyone, don't want to share my heart... But did she really want to spend eternity alone?
The answer to that was simple. She didn't really want to spend this lifetime alone, not to mention the next three or four.
But what other choice did she have?
She stopped in front of the window and stared out blindly. Jasper's whispers ran laughingly through her mind, touching her soul with his darkness. His presence grew stronger. One day soon he would call to her, and she would have no choice but to obey.
She crossed her arms, rubbing them lightly. She'd done the right thing in telling Michael to go. At least now she didn't have to worry about betraying him. But what would she have done if Jasper wasn't a problem? What if there'd been only Michael and her and an endless eternity to share together?
Outside, a young couple strolled hand in hand across the road. She didn't have their courage. It was simple fact. Jasper only gave her a more believable excuse to push Michael away. She turned from the window and walked across the room. Maybe she needed to work. Maybe if she buried herself in mundane office tasks, she wouldn't have to think about Michael or Jasper or long years of loneliness left ahead.
She walked into the bedroom to collect her coat and keys, and brushed past the bed. Memories rose to haunt her—being in Michael's arms, his bed, his throaty laughter as she'd whisked his pants away, the fire of their minds, touching and loving.
How could she have given it all away? How could she have thrown away her one chance of lasting love?
She froze. There, she'd finally admitted it. She loved him. But it didn't matter a damn. She didn't want him to die, so they simply couldn't be together.