kiss me. But he didn’t. Instead, he took a step back.
“Zoe, uh . . . I . . . we can’t.” He reached up and ran his hand through his hair.
“Oh.” I said, feeling utterly shocked. “Oh, uh . . . okay.” I took a step back too. Mortification and embarrassment gripped me, and I felt so, so stupid. Damn, why had I listened to Zoe?
“It’s not ethical. I’m the paramedic who saved you, and you don’t have all your memories back, so I feel that it would be inappropriate and, uh . . .” He took another step back.
“Oh. I see.” I also took a step backwards. We were two magnets repelling each other, not pulling together.
Push or pull?
“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression and—”
“No! No!” I cut him off. “You didn’t, I was just . . .” I felt like I wanted to cry. This was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me. And I was the girl who’d had a meltdown in front of one hundred people at work and gotten stuck in a piece of gym equipment. So, I should be able to take humiliation. But this was, wow. There were no words for this, as I watched Noah back away from me.
“I understand,” I said quickly. “I just got, I was . . . overwhelmed. There was so much, in my head, so many strange emotions, and it was all just confusing and, and . . .”
“I understand.” Noah sounded sympathetic, which made me feel even worse. And even though he said he understood, I knew he didn’t. And I also knew that Zoe was clearly very bad when it came to reading signals. What did I expect? She had almost zero experience in it. I wasn’t listening to her again, certainly not when it came to men.
“We should get back on the road.” Noah looked back at the car. “Unless you want to stay here a little more?”
“No.” I shook my head then looked back at the field. “I don’t want to stay here anymore.” In fact, I wanted to be as far away from this field as possible, not to mention as far away from this moment as possible too.
CHAPTER 48
We pulled up to my parents’ house about two awkward hours later. The drive, after the field, had been a silent one, for the most part. Other than the forced small talk that we’d made to try and fill the endless silences. There were the terribly uncomfortable glances too, the restless finger tapping on the steering wheel—by Noah—and on the dashboard, by me. All in all, I’d felt like I’d wanted to crawl out of my skin and slither out through the vents in the air-conditioning system to escape the confines of the car. And every now and then, when Noah thought I was looking out of the window, I could see him staring at me in the reflection in the glass. He had this look like he was about to open his mouth and say something, but he never did.
“We’re here,” he said, when we pulled up to the house. It was evening, and the sun was setting. I looked up at the small house set back in the tropical garden of palm trees and overgrown shrubs.
“Do you recognize it?” he asked.
“I do.” I climbed out of the car and walked up to the front door. I remembered so much about this house now. I’d lived here and studied for a few years, but I couldn’t really tell you much about this part of the world. Driving here, things had seemed vaguely familiar, but not so much that I could stick a concrete memory to anything. It was as if I’d lived here, but only stayed inside this house and never ventured out. I knocked on the door. I wasn’t sure what to expect from my parents. I knew that we weren’t that close, and I had a feeling that we’d had a big fight once, but I had no idea what it was about.
My parents came to the door, and their faces were almost exactly how I’d pictured them in my head. Only a little older, which made me think I hadn’t seen them in a while. And the hug that they both gave me seemed to imply that too. They drew me into their arms and hugged me so hard and long that I wasn’t sure if I was able to breathe. And when