doing it for the last ten years or so, but I know it started before that, and I can’t remember that far back.”
“Wait, you remember? Your memory’s come back?”
I nodded and then shook my head. “Sort of. I remember a lot from the age of nineteen upwards, but nothing else.”
“Nothing about your childhood?”
“Nothing.”
“I just know who I am now.”
“But I told you, you don’t ha—”
“Have to be this person. I know! I know now. I didn’t know that a few days ago, but now I know it. And I don’t want to be the person who is only seen through a slot in the wall. I don’t want to eat bland chicken and wear clothes like this! I want to be someone else.”
“No. Not someone else,” he said, sounding emphatic.
I paused. “What do you mean, not someone else?”
“Well, what if the person of last week . . . Zoe! What if Zoe is really who you are and this person is not. What if the life you were living before is not meant to be the life you’re supposed to be living, and never was.”
“How would that have happened, though?”
Noah shook his head. “I don’t know, but I’m sure there are two people who could give you a clue.”
“Who?”
“Your parents.”
I nodded. “Yes. My parents. Them. I don’t think we’re very close. They didn’t notice I was gone either.”
“Oh.” He sounded surprised. “I’m sorry, that must have been . . .”
“It was,” I agreed. He didn’t need to say what it was; the meaning was clearly implied.
“But even if you’re not close, they’d be able to tell you about your childhood. Maybe that will give you some greater understanding of who you are.”
“Or why I’m like this,” I added.
Noah nodded at me and I pulled my phone out of my bag. “I’ll call them and ask.”
“Wait,” Noah stopped me. “Why don’t you go and see them? This seems too important to talk about over the phone.”
“You’re right. I should.”
“I’ll come,” Noah said.
“What? No, you don’t have to.”
“I want to. Besides, watching TV is getting boring and I’m off for another few weeks and . . . wait, but if you don’t want me to come. If this is something you want to do alone?”
Alone . . . ?
‘When the Six of Swords is reversed,” I blurted out.
“What?”
“It’s what Andi said,” I mumbled to myself, and now felt terrible for phoning her like that. I could hear her words ringing in my head . . . my journey is personal, but it doesn’t mean I have to take it alone. I looked up at Noah. “I would love you to come, if you still want to?”
“I want to. If that’s okay with you?”
“Yes! It is!” And then, I didn’t plan it at all, but I threw my arms around him and hugged him. It felt good to hug; I should do this more often. I pulled away.
“But before we go, I have to phone Andi.”
“The psychic pharmacist?”
“Yes, I sort of need to apologize to her for something I said earlier today.”
“Hey, look.” Noah pointed at the ivy-covered wall next to me. I turned.
“What?”
“A lizard, and it’s not chasing you,” he said.
“Oh, that’s right! Can you introduce me to Chloe again,” I said, holding my arm out.
“Why?”
“I’ll tell you in the car, but in the meantime, please can you introduce us.”
“You sure?” he asked, raising one of his brows at me. “I thought you said that animals hated you.”
“Nope! I was totally wrong about that, like I’ve been totally wrong about a whole lot of other things. Animals love me!”
CHAPTER 42
Only a few hours later, Noah and I were in his car, heading out onto the open road. He’d dropped Chloe off with Maxine, who was only too happy to have her, and I’d finally gotten to meet her properly too. She’d climbed all over me and nibbled on my earlobe in a way that made me laugh. We’d gone back to Sindi’s and borrowed a few more of her clothes, stocked up on chocolate and then hit the road. It was strange how the idea had only crystalized a few moments ago, and yet, here we were, actioning it already. I had called my parents and told them I wanted to talk about my childhood. They were only too happy to have me there, they said. But I also had this strange feeling inside that was growing with every kilometer we drove. What if I didn’t like what I found out? This