think I ever wanted to feel that things were not just right ever again.
We climbed into the car, still damp from our excursion. I pulled the car mirror down and looked at my face. It was sun-kissed. My cheeks were slightly red, and a spray of freckles had appeared, freckles I never knew I had. The old me wouldn’t have gone into the sun like this, but the new me, Zoe, went into the sun and into the water and did all sorts of things she was no longer afraid of.
“What are you thinking about?” Noah asked, while I silently looked at myself.
“How perfect everything feels.” I turned away from the mirror to face him.
Something moved over his face, a look of confusion. “Then why do you sound so sad when you say that?”
“I guess I don’t want it to end. But I know it will.”
“Why would it end?” he asked.
I shrugged, but didn’t answer him. Instead, I watched a crowd of schoolkids disembark from a bus and assemble in the parking lot. A loud beep made me glance back at Noah. He was looking down at his phone now, fingers sweeping across it, and a strange, solemn look swept across his face.
“What?” I asked, sensing a very definite shift in the mood between us. I didn’t know if it was a good shift, or a bad shift. It was hard to tell, because it had been so sudden.
Noah shook his head, as if in disbelief. As if something in the message he was reading had thrown him.
“What?” I pressed, feeling something coming.
“It’s just . . . my last pay check came through.” He held his phone up and I briefly saw a notification from a bank. “That’s it, then. I’m no longer a paramedic. It’s official. It’s over.” He looked up at me and I understood why he was reacting like this.
“You’re closing a chapter of your life. It’s a big deal,” I said.
Noah looked at me intently, zoning in on my eyes, and then dropped the phone from his hands onto his lap, like a dramatic exclamation mark.
“And opening another chapter,” he said, staring at me as if he wanted something in return.
“I . . . I . . .” I shook my head. I had no idea what he was saying, what his words meant, but he was looking at me like that. Like that! Like Sheik Khalifa had looked at Amanda in the tropical atrium just before they kissed. I knew this look! And this time I was sure Noah was looking at me like that! My palms began to sweat, my heart raced and butterflies flapped so hard that I was sure I would take off out of the seat. Go flying up into the air, and Noah would have to pull me down by my ankle. So this is what it felt like! To have a guy, and not just any guy—Noah—look at me like this.
“I have a confession to make,” he said, all husky and whispery.
“What?”
“I was jealous when you kissed Douche Klaw Asshole last night.”
“Douche Klaw?” I smiled.
“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been calling him in my head.”
I swallowed hard. My throat felt a little tight. “It didn’t mean anything. Besides, it was only a tee—”
“Teeny bit of tongue. So I’ve heard. A lot. More than enough, actually.” He looked at my arm and then traced his finger down it. I shivered.
“Truth be told, I’m kind of thrilled that his number has almost washed off.” He was right. The black phone number was more of a smudge now, but still he took my arm and rubbed his fingers across it.
“Almost gone!” He was smiling as he rubbed even faster now, and I laughed as more and more of the ink blurred, and all signs of Klaw disappeared from my arm.
“Looks like you really want it off.”
“Oh, you have no idea.” He kept rubbing until every last trace of Klaw was gone, and then, when it was, he looked back up, our eyes met and I swear I could hear them colliding. As if looking at someone like this had a sound.
“Don’t worry. I don’t taste him anymore either,” I said.
“Well, Lila kind of made sure of that.” His eyes darkened as he said that.
“That also meant nothing. Also just a teeny bit of tongue,” I teased.
His lips parted and stretched into a smile. “You and teeny tongue . . .” He leaned ever so slightly, but it felt like the whole world shifted.