Just One Kiss - J. Saman Page 0,51

because maybe I won’t fall apart if my sisters are here with me. At least, that’s what I’m hoping.

I start with the smaller object first, removing the brown paper with care and then slowly unfurling the thick barrier of the bubble wrap. Finally, once it’s revealed, I hold it in my hand, my throat thick and my eyes watery with unshed tears.

“An ornament?” Charlie asks, perplexed.

“He blows glass for a living. He makes beautiful pieces. He made this.”

“It’s a heart,” Savanah chimes in. “A violet heart. It’s beautiful. It almost looks like a prism the way the lines of it go. I bet it sparkles on the tree against the lights.”

I bet she’s right.

“Open the next one,” Charlie demands, and I reluctantly set down my pretty heart-shaped ornament. Popping open the white plastic cap on the tube, I turn it upside down and a piece of rolled-up sketch paper slides onto the bed, unrolling a little as it goes.

Both Charlie and Savannah gasp when they catch sight of the image, their hands covering their mouths. It’s one he must have drawn when we were sitting on the sofa together. When I was writing, and he was drawing. It’s a charcoal sketch of me, wrapped up in a blanket, curled up on his sofa, watching the fire with a small smile etched on my lips.

A purple piece of paper floats onto the bed as I stare at the exquisite rendering.

“What’s that? Did he write you something?”

I swallow past the lump in my throat and pick it up, my eyes blurry as I read aloud, “Merry Christmas, Firefly. I’ll never be happy you got hurt, but you crashing your car was the best thing to ever happen to me because you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. All my love, Miles.”

“Shit. Damn.”

“Yeah,” Charlie agrees with Savannah. “All of that.”

They both reach out, touching me, offering me their comfort as I fall apart, unable to stop it. A sob cleaves a path from my chest just as the first of my tears start to fall.

“Stupid boys. Stupid perfect presents.”

“Yes. That too,” they both say. “Are you going to call him?” Charlie asks.

“I can’t. I don’t even have his freaking cell phone number to text him a thanks because I never got it. This was his goodbye. It’s done. It’s over.”

“No, it’s not,” Savannah says adamantly. “This dude is the real deal, London. You don’t just let that go. You don’t just walk away.”

“I didn’t walk away—” I start to protest, but she quickly waves me off.

“Semantics. You need to go back to him. You need to tell him you’re not accepting goodbye and he needs to get over whatever his hang-ups are.”

I think on that for a moment. Like really think about it.

Miles does have hang-ups. He never thought he was good enough. Never felt he was worthy of me or anything special in his life.

Love has only ever hurt him.

So can I blame him for not coming with me?

Hell, I’m scared too, but I have to imagine it’s a million times worse for him. What did he say? Coming with you will kill me. If I can’t keep you, then I have to let you go now.

Oh Miles.

“You know what, you’re right. You’re absolutely freaking right,” I tell them.

“I always am.” Charlie and I both roll our eyes.

Charlie and I both roll our eyes.

“Whatever. I’m going to go after him. I’ll spend Christmas morning here with the family and then I’m going to drive back down to him. Tell him that I want to be with him.”

“Damn straight. Fight for what you want,” Charlie says on a big smile.

I will. But suddenly, I’m terrified.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe it is easier this way.

What happens if I show up at his house and he turns me away?

I fall flat on my side, closing my eyes. For the first time, I understand what Miles meant by love is pain. I just wish he knew it didn’t have to be this way. I guess that’s just something I’ll have to show him.

Chapter Twenty

LONDON

Bright sunlight is not my friend right now. I fell asleep who the hell knows what time and now I’m up, earlier than I’d like to be. My sisters sat with me for a little while longer before they both went to bed. Now here it is, Christmas morning and my face probably looks like I’m having some sort of allergic reaction and my insides don’t exactly feel much better.

I vowed to