“Got it. I’ll be good. I won’t do anything reckless or stupid. I have the gun and while I can’t promise that I won’t accidentally shoot myself, I’ll look badass while doing it.”
He nods. “I hate to break it to you… but… just never mind. Yes. Use the gun.”
I narrow my eyes as I realize what he was going to say. “You don’t think I look badass?” I ask, like I’m upset.
“You look… wonderfully… cute with it.”
I flip him off with both hands which makes him laugh as he stands in the doorway. “Go fuck yourself while you’re gone.”
He’s far too amused by this. “Oh, and wouldn’t you be jealous if I did?”
I snort. “Nope.” He turns to the door as I watch his back. “Shepherd… please be careful.”
“I’m just going to check out our neighbors. Nothing to worry about,” he says.
New neighbors moved in about two miles from us that are probably nothing to be worried about, but Shepherd wants to spend a little time watching them to make sure they have nothing to do with us. I offered to go with him, but he told me I’m as graceful as a drunk and would immediately get us caught.
He’s probably right, and really, I didn’t want to sit there and stare at them creepily. We normally wouldn’t be too concerned about them, but they seem adamant on taking the trail behind our house every single day and stopping for a good ol’ chat every moment they can. Shepherd makes me stay away since there’s the possibility of my face being recognized with me “missing.” So I stay inside like a good boy and Bear and I peer through the back window like creepers as the woman flirts with my man. Is Shepherd my man?
“Shepherd!” I call after him.
“What?” he calls back.
“Are you my man?”
“Pay me enough and I’ll be whatever you’d like. Your dog. Your chef.”
I glare at him as he smiles at me.
“But I suppose I’ll be ‘your man’ for free.”
Now I’m trying not to smile like a teenage girl and in order to show that his words were absolutely meaningless to me, I flip him off and slam the door. It doesn’t help when I look out the window and see him laughing.
God, I must be ill.
So I merrily curl up on the sofa and crack open a book Dave loaned me. Even though his interests seem to revolve around forcing Shepherd and me to spend every waking moment with him because he’s lonely, he has good taste in books. And if the date with Esther was anything to go by, he might be leaving us alone a bit more often.
Bear puts his foot on the couch while looking me in the eyes. Even though it’s been over a month and he hasn’t eaten me yet, I’m still not convinced. But he is persistent as hell. So when I push his foot off, his whole body comes next. Since there’s barely enough room for me, he flops his body down on my legs and sighs as his head hits my stomach.
I slowly reach down and rub a single finger over his nose which makes his tail wag. “You’re crushing my legs.”
His tail wags harder for that one because he loves causing me physical pain. He seems to get enjoyment out of it.
“You’re… okay. I’m not saying I like you but you’re just alright.”
His tail picks up speed again, whacking my feet as it goes.
“I kind of like you. But just a little. Don’t tell Shepherd. He thinks I’m convinced you’re going to eat me, which is highly likely. You have the face of something that’s going to eat me.” He gives me a look of love which doesn’t really help me when I tell everyone he’s evil. It kind of just makes me look like a lying piece of shit.
I used to think about how I had absolutely no luck in life. How I had to be one of the unluckiest people alive. But sitting on the couch with Bear and knowing that Shepherd will be home before long, I realize my luck might be beginning to change.
I return to reading while occasionally scratching his head but only when I forget about him eating me.
Around noon, Bear jumps off my lap and rushes toward the door. Incapable of seeing through the door, he goes over to the side window and puts his feet on the sill