She rushes for me and grabs my hand before trying to turn me around. “Killian, stop. I do care about you. Why do you think I would be here if I didn’t?”
I shake my head. “Just stop. I’m tired. I’m so tired of trying to find something normal. Someone who cares… or some other bullshit.”
A body fills the doorway and I freeze before looking up at my father. He doesn’t even look around the room; instead, he seems unaffected by our location. “Here you are. Killian, I need your help. Say bye to your friend and come along.”
I don’t bother saying anything to her because I can’t trust what I’ll say. I know I’m being irrational. All she did was go into my sister’s room, but I feel like there’s so much more to it. I feel like she’s shrouded in these lies like everyone else around me. But maybe she’s not? Maybe I’ve just become that untrusting of people?
Father leads me down to his office before he parks me in front of a computer. “Look over this. I smell a fucking narc somewhere and I just can’t put my finger on it.”
“When you live in a world of lies how do you know what’s even true anymore?” I ask.
Father stops just to stare at me. “Do you know what your problem is, Killian?” He asks as he leans against the desk. “You’re just so fucking sensitive all the time.”
I start laughing for some reason because it’s hilarious that my father thinks he can figure me out. Figure any of this shit out. “Well, if I’m anything, you’ve made me like this. If not with your shitty fucking genes than your loving nurturing.”
“Do the only thing you’re good at and shut up and work.”
I turn back to the computer, and even though I “shut up and work” my mind is racing. My father might think he’s keeping me down, but I’m just waiting for the right moment.
I’ll break free and he’ll never see me again.
Twenty-One
“Are we being stupid?” Shepherd asks as he lies in the grass in the front yard.
I’m not sure if he’s getting some sun, wallowing around, or just gave up on life, but this is how I found him. I peer down at him with a raised eyebrow. “If you change that ‘we’ to an ‘I’ then yes.”
“Are I being stupid?” Shepherd asks. “God, I thought you were smart, but you sound like a fucking hillbilly.”
“Oh, fuck off. How are we being stupid?” I ask.
“We’ve been here a month. We should be moving around. But on the other hand, I feel like if we keep showing our faces in any city we risk being seen, and out here we’re in the middle of nowhere. It’s like a horror movie out here. No one to hear your screams or cries. No one sees us. Dave gets us our groceries. We’re like little hermits. Horror movie hermits.”
“Is this what you’ve been doing all morning? I thought you were sunbathing, and instead, you’re just second-guessing everything. Like you said, the moment we go into a city, we risk being seen or noticed. My face is everywhere with the police and your face is everywhere with Tony’s shit. This is probably best,” I say. “And I’ve always wanted to be in a horror movie.”
“I suppose. I feel like we’ve accomplished nothing in a month beyond spending my money to buy you bullets that you still can’t figure out how to use.”
“Hey! I shot a can yesterday!”
“We’re still debating if that was actually shot or if the wind blew it off. It was pretty windy out.”
I narrow my eyes as he gloats at me from where he’s lying on the ground. “You liar. I shot it. Now let’s go. Dave wants us to kill ourselves again. How can a single man find so much work to do?”
“At least the cabin rent is free since he’s enslaved us,” he reminds me.
“True. What do you think about telling him we’re sick?” I joke.
“I wish, but we tried that excuse last week and remember how guilty we felt when he brought us all that food?” Shepherd asks.
“Oh god, that was horrible. You forced me to lie in bed as he took my temp while I wallowed around not in sickness but in guilt. I could barely sleep that night.”