than ever how fucked up he is. Yes, I already knew how horrible of a person he was before, but I’d lived with it for twenty years. I dealt with it again and again. And I grew to learn that the best way to survive was for him to control and manipulate me. I was his to bend at will. Even if I tried to run, even if I tried to hide, I was always pulled back into his fucked-up world where money and death and destruction ruled supreme.
“No one else understands what you are,” I say as I stare at him. “They see a ruler and I see a monster.”
He leans into me and grabs my face in his hands before yanking it his way. “That, my dear child, is why you are so important to me. The rest of them are merely brainless and then I have you. You add a little excitement to my life. I see some time away made you think you could start standing up for yourself. We’ll have to fix that right away.”
I tilt my head away from him and his hands drop free. Then I bury my face in Bear’s short hair. It’s funny how I stupidly thought that this dog was a monster.
Thirty-Two
My room looks no different from the last time I was here. The only thing new is the lock on the door. It’s been changed so I’m locked in since my father seems to think that’ll keep me from going anywhere. The other change is that my laptop is gone as is anything of mine that could connect to the internet. The only time I’ve been allowed to leave is to let Bear use the bathroom. When one of Father’s officers took me, I thought it could be a good chance to make a run for it, but he left me in the house with my father while he took Bear out. I was so terrified he’d never bring him back, but after a few minutes, Bear eagerly came barreling through the door to me.
It’s morning, but I’ve been awake all night, so I curl up in bed with Bear by my side and think about what my next option is. Before, my goal was just surviving—to live each day while hating my father, hating myself, and hating my mother. But it’s different now. Now it’s all about keeping Shepherd safe, keeping anything from happening to him, but how the hell will I keep him away from here?
I don’t sleep at all as I lie there, waiting for my decision to come to me. The only thing I can think to do is to continue what I was doing before Tony took me, even if I don’t know if it’s the right choice. But how will I know what is or isn’t right?
Around two in the afternoon, my bedroom door opens and Bear barks at my father.
“Shut that fucking thing up before I shut it up myself,” he growls, so I pull Bear close to me and he stops barking. “Come on, Killian.”
I hesitate, but if he’s willing to take me out of this room, there’s a chance I can do something. So I get up but leave Bear behind. My father wouldn’t hesitate to kill him if Bear made a mistake, so he’s safest left in my room. He’s upset but I give him a kiss on the head and shut the door.
“Do you really need that thing?” Father asks disapprovingly.
“Yes. He’s not hurting anything.”
Father seems to contemplate it as I realize that he could open that door and shoot Bear, and I’d have absolutely no way of stopping him.
“What do you need me for?” I ask, and he seems to forget about the dog, at least for the moment.
“You act like you don’t know,” he says as we head downstairs, into his office and over to his computer. “You are going to fix what you did before you left.”
I’m shocked he hasn’t already fixed it. I assumed when he didn’t even waver or debate saving me from Tony that he didn’t need me anymore. But maybe it was more that he thought he didn’t need me, or he didn’t want to give me the satisfaction of needing me. Who knows with him.
“Fix what?” I ask as if I’m not aware of what I’ve done.
Father sets a hand on my shoulder and squeezes as he leans over so he’s uncomfortably close as he says, “You know exactly what.”