Just a Little Heartache (The Brotherhood #5) - Merry Farmer Page 0,56

on its own. Neglect does wonders for hair growth.”

Niall blinked. His gaze seemed to shift almost imperceptibly from Blake’s beard to his lips. The air between them crackled before Niall snapped his eyes up to meet Blake’s. “When was the last time you bathed?”

Blake burst into a self-deprecating laugh. It would have been charming, he was sure, except that he couldn’t stop. “I don’t know,” he said, certain he was smiling like a maniac. Why couldn’t he stop laughing? “I can’t remember the last time I slept either,” he went on, growing more hysterical by the moment. He had to pull himself together, but instead, he shrugged and said, “May, eighteen-eighty?”

He felt his expression pinch, his eyes burn, his lungs squeeze. He could see the panic that must have washed through him in the sudden alarm in Niall’s eyes. That only pushed him closer to the jagged edge. He couldn’t draw breath. Or feel his hands and feet. His heart pounded. He was going mad. No, he’d been mad for a while now. It was just getting worse.

“Please, have a seat,” he said, his usually rich tenor coming out brittle and high-pitched as he started toward a pair of settees near the French doors. “Tell me all about your journey. How is your play coming along? I’ve been reading all about it. Everyone is saying this one will be your greatest triumph yet. I only wish that I could make the trip to London to see it. I’ve been meaning to take the girls down to London for a theatrical holiday, but I can’t…I can’t….”

He couldn’t breathe in spite of the fact that air was squeezing in and out of his lungs at an alarming rate. He felt hot and cold all over, and his head throbbed and swam. The corners of his vision started to go black, and he tipped toward one of the settees.

“I’ve got you.” Niall’s voice was suddenly soft and close. He slung an arm around Blake and helped him to sit. “Breathe,” he ordered. “Put your head between your knees if you need to, but breathe.”

Blake wasn’t sure how he made it to a sitting position. As soon as the dizziness passed, shame rushed in to take its place. What kind of a man was he if the simple sight of an old lover sent him into a spiral of panic?

No, Niall was so much more than that. He was suffering from the shock of having his heart slammed back into his body.

He did as Niall ordered him and focused on breathing. Breathing should not have been so hard. He gulped down one breath after another, counting them at first, as Xavier had once suggested he do, then letting the air flow in and out more steadily. As soon as he was able to breathe deeply and clear his head, he sat straighter, resting his hands on his knees. As he expected, they were shaking, but with a little concentration, he was able to get that to stop.

Only then did he realize that Niall was rubbing his back. It felt so good that he thought he might cry. But he couldn’t do that either. He had to push past his pathetic behavior and be a man.

“You came,” he said hoarsely, starting the whole reunion over. Slowly, he dragged his gaze up to stare at Niall.

“You said you needed me.” Niall’s expression was hard and blank. He wasn’t going to let Blake in, even though he’d come all the way from London.

“You must have so much to do for your play.” Blake cleared his throat and shook his shoulders, pulling away from Niall and scooting to the other end of the settee. They were grown men with mountains of responsibilities. He needed to act like it and face Niall like a gentleman. “I should be congratulating you on all your successes.”

“Success is its own punishment,” Niall said, inching away. “The bigger you become, the more everyone wants you to fail. Everyone expects this new play to be the talk of the town, but it’s been fraught with problems so far. As every production is. But if I don’t deliver perfection, I’ll be tossed aside, like yesterday’s fish. But that’s not what I came here to talk about, Blake.” The steel in his eyes was so hard as he stared that Blake wanted to wither. “Tell me what happened.”

Blake opened his mouth, but nothing came out. How could he even begin to describe what had happened? How