Just for Christmas - Emily Harvale Page 0,55

thinking. ‘I thought he would’ve chosen you. Because you needed him the most and he was always there when anyone needed him. That’s just the sort of boy he was.’

‘And the sort of man he is. Nothing’s changed, Molly. And I’ll tell you something. He didn’t choose his dad. He chose to stay with me. For precisely the reason you said. He knew I needed him more than his dad did. Which is why I couldn’t let him do that. I made him go with his dad. I made his dad take him even though Chance was saying he wanted to stay. I might have been a drunk and at the time a very bad mother, but I couldn’t do that to my beloved son. I couldn’t ruin his life more than I had already. And I would’ve. Although Chance is strong and he would’ve adapted. But I don’t think he would be quite the man he is today if he had had to deal with me on his own in those days.’

‘I had no idea.’

‘He’s such a good man, Molly. And that’s why this is breaking his heart. And mine. Because he’ll marry Jolene, in spite of all the times he’s said he never wants a marriage like the one his father and I had. He’ll marry her because he feels he should. Because he won’t want a child of his to be without a dad. He’ll marry her even though he’s madly in love with someone else who is, who was, and who always will be, the one True Love of his life.’

Molly met her eyes. ‘Do you … do you mean me?’

‘Do you doubt it?’

‘Yes! No. I don’t know.’

‘Yes you do, sweetheart. You know, deep down that he loves you. And you know that you love him.’

‘I do know I love him. And I thought ... I hoped … but I wasn’t sure. I thought … he might just love me as a friend. A really good friend.’

‘He loves you so much more than he ever thought possible.’

‘He’s told you that?’

‘He didn’t need to. I could see it in the way he looks at you. The way he is with you. In everything he said and did. But yes. He told me that last night. Just after he told me about Jolene. We sat up for most of the night and talked. I tried to convince him that he could still be a good dad without marrying Jolene. That he could be with you and be truly happy and still have his child in his life. But he said he didn’t think he could do that. That it wouldn’t be fair to anyone. He’d want to live near his child. He couldn’t ask Jolene to come and live here if he wasn’t going to be asking her to live with him. And he couldn’t ask you to move to New York so that he could be near his child by another woman. He also said he didn’t know if you even loved him but I soon put him right on that.’

‘I … I’d go to New York if he asked me. I’d go anywhere to be with him. I’d go to Mars if that’s what he wanted.’

‘I told him I thought you’d say that. But there is one thing about Chance that is really rather annoying. Bloody infuriating, actually. He can sometimes get an idea in his head that makes no sense at all to anyone other than him, and when he does that, it takes heaven and earth to make him change his mind. He can also, on occasion, be a bit of a martyr. For example, moving here to be near me. He has a wonderful life in New York and runs a hugely successful business but he finds out I am ill and what does he do? He immediately sells his business to a competitor who’s wanted it for years, buys a run-down cottage, and moves, lock, stock and barrel back here just to spend time with me so that I won’t be alone. Any ‘normal’ person would’ve hired a carer and come over to visit whenever he could, but not my Chance. Oh no. Nothing will do for him but to actually be here and hold my hand. I love him for it, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want my son to put his life on hold for me. Or change it completely just to be nearby. Even though it’s been