Jump! - By Jilly Cooper Page 0,201

Seth for fifteen years in which she had been more successful, she was aware he played around while she was away. Yet on stage as Cleopatra the enchantress, she felt sure she could win him back and was excited by the challenge.

As the din increased, there was great local speculation over Seth’s ebony locks, which were suddenly much greyer. Had this been caused by Corinna’s tantrums or was grey considered more suitable for the battle-scarred Antony, or was it his natural colour which he’d stopped dyeing black?

One evening, as Oscars and BAFTAs started whistling past his head, Seth escaped. Armed with a big bunch of alstroemerias and a bottle of Moët, reeking of Terre, he banged on Etta’s door.

‘Darling, darling, I’m so sorry about the two Mrs Bancrofts, I only made a pass at Romy to irritate her tosser of a husband. I only called you “Sorry with the fringe on top” because you’re so sweet and always apologizing for everything. Please forgive me.’

And of course Etta did. Priceless was less forgiving. At the pop of the champagne cork he retreated, with a deep sigh, to Etta’s bed.

‘How are things going?’ she asked.

‘I feel as though both the Tiber and the Nile are flowing through our drawing room.’ Seth filled two glasses. ‘If we were doing Othello I could smother her with a pillow. She’s given up drink to lose weight and reduce any red veins and it makes her really mean. Antony’s such a demanding part, I’ve got 24 per cent of the lines. Corinna’s only got 19 per cent and hers are far more beautiful and more dramatic. You must help me to learn mine.’

Etta tried not to melt as he gazed into her eyes and, in his deepest, huskiest voice with a slight break in it, declaimed of love finding a new heaven and a new earth.

‘It sounds wonderful,’ said Etta as they paused for a break.

‘Fascinating plot, the great warrior destroyed by sexual desire,’ observed Seth.

‘Sampson was destroyed by Delilah,’ mused Etta. ‘I remember being shocked when I overheard my father saying Eisenhower had a mistress. I thought he meant a schoolmistress and that Ike was a bit old for that.’

‘Your son-in-law’s got a schoolmistress,’ said Seth idly. ‘Very keen on her, doesn’t notice her teeth any more. Poor Carrie.’

‘You didn’t think about poor Martin,’ said Etta tartly.

‘I try not to. A great warrior destroyed by sexual desire,’ repeated Seth wickedly. ‘“The triple pillar of the world transform’d into a strumpet’s fool”. Do you think Valent’s been destroyed by Bonny?’

Etta struggled out of a sunken cherry-red armchair, which needed re-upholstering, and banged a log to shake out any woodlice before putting it on the fire.

‘Course not, Bonny’s not a strumpet, and no one pushes Valent around. He recovered the cockpit as an office. According to Trixie his voice was “rattling thunder” when he chewed out Corinna for being foul about Pauline, and he hasn’t allowed Bonny to chop suey his house. He allowed Wilkie to stay against her wishes.’

‘Macho man,’ mocked Seth, kicking back another log which was scattering sparks. ‘D’you fancy him?’

‘I like him enormously,’ said Etta firmly.

In fact she liked Valent so much, she was always thinking of ways to repay him. On a flying visit to Willowwood, Valent had found his cockpit so sweetly scented with her indoor bulbs, he’d taken a couple of bowls back to his house in London. And he’d so liked a big bowl of African violets she’d nurtured for him, he was thinking of using the glowing purple of the flowers and the dusty green of the leaves as his colours when Furious raced.

Glancing out of the window when he arrived one evening, he was surprised to see the lawn of Badger’s Court covered in snow. Only when he stepped outside did he discover they were great sweeps of snowdrops, their little heads hanging and nodding like Etta’s.

Fed up with Seth spouting poetry all the time, particularly to Bonny, Valent had devoured Etta’s anthology, hoping to find lines to quote himself. But his voice coach had made him self-conscious about his Yorkshire accent. He must remember to rhyme ‘one’ with ‘fun’, not ‘gone’.

‘Shall I compare thee to a Soomer’s day.

Thou art more luvely and more temperate.’

‘How do I luv thee? Let me count the ways.’

He hated Bonny mocking him.

Ringing Etta, he was livid when Seth, sounding drunk, picked up the telephone.

‘Etta’s been absolutely marvellous helping me learn my lines. She’s so good at being Cleopatra. Do you want

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