Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating - Christina Lauren Page 0,73
a laughing “Okay” before turning.
Sasha follows him, and he doesn’t even look at me before he’s marching down the small hill toward the bank of vendor booths to the right of the stage.
“Can I ask you something?” Tyler says, sitting up.
Unease swirls in my belly. “Sure.”
“Did you and Josh ever . . . ?”
“Ever what?”
“Date?”
“Each other?”
He nods, and I shift, reasoning that it’s not exactly a lie. “No. We never dated each other.”
“It sometimes seems like there’s more going on with you two.”
And honestly, the only way to avoid this conversation is to stand when System of a Down comes on, and pretend I am very, very excited to hear all of their songs that I’m not even sure I know. I close my eyes, and for just fifteen minutes, I try to push out all of these emotions.
I dance away the feeling that I’m trying to talk myself into being attracted to Tyler.
I dance away the feeling that I’m in love with Josh, and am prolonging his rejection because I know it will slaughter me.
I dance away the feeling that I’m putting way too much of my energy into this, when I should be just enjoying my day, and the air, and the music.
I spin, and spin, and it’s so fucking fun, I haven’t had this kind of fun in forever, just dancing like a maniac. The air is cold on my bare arms when I toss away my sweater and I’m aware that most people on the lawn are sitting, but if they knew how good it felt to let it all out and dance like this—arms out, hips rocking, the grass cold and wet underfoot—they would be up here doing the exact same—
“Hazel.”
I turn and look at Tyler behind me on the grass. “Come dance!”
I reach out for him but he laughs uncomfortably, and then looks to the side, to the family on a blanket near us, who are watching us with smiles.
“Just—come sit here.” He pats the blanket next to him.
“I’m dancing!”
Tyler leans in. “You’re . . . being sort of embarrassing.”
It falls flatly, with a clang, like a penny into an empty bucket.
So this is what it feels like.
My smile doesn’t even break, and I laugh out an incredulous, “What?”
He stands, coming closer. “You’re like the only person dancing up here. Just come sit and talk to me.”
Finally, my feet stop moving. “Please tell me you’re not that guy right now.”
“What guy?”
“The guy you’ve always been, who wants me to be quirky but not weird, who wants me to dance only when other people are dancing, who likes telling all the stories about me but doesn’t remember how much he bitched about each of those moments when it happened.”
His expression falls. “I’m not trying to do that. You’re just—”
A fire is lit beneath my breastbone. “Just having fun?”
Grimacing, he shrugs. “Do you have to be so out there all the time? Can’t we just hang?”
“We are hanging!”
He looks around. “It’s just that some people were looking, and I didn’t want you to be embarrassed.”
“I’m not embarrassed.”
“Hazel doesn’t get embarrassed,” Josh says from behind me with a laugh. But his smile falls when I turn to him, and he sees the expression on my face. “Whoa, what did I miss?”
“Hazel was dancing,” Tyler says, leaning into the word like he knows Josh will Get It.
Josh, however, does not Get It. “And?”
“And . . . come on.” He looks to Sasha now, but she is similarly unswayed.
She piles her eighty feet of hair on her head and rests her hands there. “You were dancing in the pit like fifteen minutes ago.”
“But it’s the pit,” Tyler reasons, losing steam.
“Fuck off, Tyler,” I say, and then I notice it: the baseball hat on Josh’s head. The sight of it temporarily wipes clear my irritation. It’s a bright orange-yellow—I mean, a nearly blinding color—with giant black block letters across the entire front: CHEESY.
And I don’t know why, but it just makes me burst out laughing.
“Where did you get this?”
Josh breaks his stern attention from Tyler to pull the hat off his head and put it on mine. “I saw it and I thought it would make you laugh.” Josh’s eyes soften, and he gives me such an adoring smile, it’s nearly painful. “You look ridiculous in that. I hope you wear it all day.”
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“So, back up. Josh gave you a hat and that’s when you decided you’re in love with him?”
I drop an avocado into my shopping basket and growl