Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating - Christina Lauren Page 0,18
spare room, but her house is so obsessively clean that just being there for dinner sometimes stresses me out.
Pushing up, I find my purse on the kitchen counter and make the first call to the landlord. Perhaps not surprisingly, he just got off the phone with my downstairs neighbor, whose ceiling started dripping, so I’m relieved to not be the one to break the news. He lets me know he’ll cover the cost of my rent elsewhere until this is fixed, and I know my insurance will replace anything ruined by the flooding. It’s a relief, but this still sucks because there’s no one but me to pack it up, to figure it out, to find somewhere to sleep in the meantime.
I’m sure Mom will take Janis, Vodka, and Daniel. Winnie has to stay with me. I shove everything I can into a couple of suitcases and pack up my animal family into the car before sitting and staring out the windshield. Daniel swims winningly in the small cup in my cup holder. Vodka repeats the word cookie about seven hundred times in the back seat. Winnie leans over the console and licks my ear. I can hear Janis burrowing in some newspaper in her cage.
“We’re homeless, guys.”
Winnie looks at me like I’m being melodramatic, so I call Emily for sympathy.
“Flooded?” she repeats. “Seriously?”
I feel my lip wobble and the wobble spreads to my chin and then I’m crying into the phone, babbling about all the ruined art projects and carpet and my favorite blue espadrilles and how I’m not going to live with my bird and bunny for the next few weeks and I liked that apartment because it was sunny and my neighbor baked cakes a lot so it always smelled good and—
“Hazel, shut up,” Emily yells into the phone. “I’m trying to tell you. I think you can stay at Josh’s.”
I sniffle. “If Josh is anything like you about laundry and vacuuming, he would murder me in my sleep.”
“He’s going to be in L.A. for a couple weeks.”
I pause. So he booked the ticket, then. I’m both happy for Josh and sad. I want someone better for him than Tabitha, even though I barely know him and I’ve never met her.
“Let me add him in real quick.” Emily disappears before I can protest, and when she comes back, she makes sure we’re each on the line.
“I’m here.” Josh sounds tired and bored, and I can’t tell if it’s his usual lackadaisical manner or he’s upset . . . or both.
“So, Hazel’s apartment flooded,” Emily begins.
Josh sounds significantly more alert when he says, “Wait, seriously? While we were out just now?”
“You two were out just now?” Emily asks.
I ignore the strident interest in her voice and explain, “A pipe burst, and normally I’d be making lots of terrible sex jokes about that, but really, it just sucks.” I fidget with my car keys in the ignition. “I’ll be out for at least three weeks.”
Emily hops in: “Josh, I was thinking she could crash at your place until she finds somewhere to stay longer term. You’ll be gone and there’s plenty of space. She’ll even keep the tornado confined to the guest room.”
“I will?” I wonder whether Emily really believes this.
“No pets,” Josh says immediately.
“Winnie?” I counter. “I can pay you rent.”
“Is she housebroken?”
I press a hand to my chest, genuinely offended. “I beg your pardon, sir, my canine has impeccable manners.”
Josh laughs dryly. “Okay, sure.”
“Really?” I dance happily in my seat. “Josh, you are the best.”
“Whatever.”
His tone makes my heart wilt a little. “You sound so sad, best friend.”
“I’m your best friend,” Emily reminds me.
I can’t help the giddy lean to my words. “It’s been my plan all along to have you two fighting for my love.”
Josh sighs. “I’m hanging up now. I’m at work, and leave for L.A. at seven. Emily will give you her spare keys.”
“You doing okay?” I ask.
“Wait,” Emily says. “Why wouldn’t he be okay?”
I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “He was having some intestinal distress earlier.”
Josh groans across the line. “I’m fine.” He pauses, and when he speaks again, his voice is a little gentler. “Call me if you, you know, need anything, Hazel.”
My heart squeezes so tight. “Thanks, Josh.”
He doesn’t say anything else, but I hear when he disconnects from the call.
Emily falls completely silent.
“Hello?”
She clears her throat. “I’m still here.”
“So, can I swing by for the keys? That’s so insanely nice of him, I can’t—”