Joker (Hell's Ankhor #8) - Aiden Bates Page 0,73

ten. I can’t really read. At all.” I laughed nervously again, as shame and embarrassment bubbled inside me. “Or do anything with numbers. It’d always been hard for me, even before anything went wrong with Parker, and then after—I lost a lot of what I had picked up. And it’s embarrassing. Really fucking embarrassing.”

I glanced up at Brennan. Part of me—an old, familiar part—was waiting for him to laugh or make fun of me, even though I didn’t really think he’d do that, not anymore. But Brennan was just holding my hand, listening.

“I mean, what man can’t read at my age?” I said. “It makes me feel so—worthless. The last thing I want is to be burden on my club. But there’s only so much I can offer when I have such a huge gap in my abilities, you know? And it held me back from my club for a long time, because I didn’t want to do anything that would risk them finding out. I only just told them. Yesterday. And it held me back from you, too.”

“You didn’t want me to find out, either,” Brennan said, understanding.

“I really didn’t,” I admitted. “I thought you’d ditch me immediately if you knew. That’s what most people would do in your situation.”

Brennan’s hand tightened around mine.

“I always thought I should be as self-sufficient as possible. I had to be when I was a kid—if I didn’t take care of myself, no one was going to. And if I didn’t need anyone, they couldn’t let me down. And that way, I also didn’t have to admit my secrets because no one could get close enough to notice,” I said. “I used humor as a smoke screen, and the jokes also kept me from being totally invisible. But recently I started feeling like my humor wasn’t landing anymore. It was kind of isolating. Like I was getting pushed out of my club. Like everyone was moving on without me. And that was scary.”

“What changed?” Brennan asked.

“A lot of things,” I said. “But really it was… It was meeting you.”

Brennan raised my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

“I didn’t want to hide things from you,” I said. “I don’t. You make me feel like maybe I could be accepted the way I am.”

“You can be,” Brennan said. “You are.”

I turned my head and kissed him again. And again, I felt that sensation of a weight lifting, similar to the way I’d felt when I’d told my brothers my secret, but it wasn’t so overwhelming. Instead, I felt steadied, like I’d finally found my way onto solid ground after a long time of flailing on quicksand.

Because Brennan was still here, beside me. Accepting me, just like he said.

“I don’t care about how well you can read,” Brennan said with a small smile against my lips. “There’s so much more to you than that—you know that, right?”

I felt my cheeks heat. “I don’t know about that.”

“You’re kind,” Brennan said, folding both hands over mine. “And funny, and smart, and generous. You can carve like a motherfucker. Got a great eye for design. A head for engines. And you’re incredible with kids.” He grinned. “Should I keep going?”

Even my damn ears were hot. “I’m really going to bolt now,” I said, biting back a smile. I couldn’t deny how good it felt to hear it, though—even after he knew my weaknesses, Brennan was still only focusing on the best parts of me. The parts I was learning to be proud of.

“I don’t care,” he said. “Really. That’s not who you are—it never was and never will be. But if it’s something you want to work on, I want to help.”

“Thank you,” I murmured. “Really. Heath’s offered to help, too, says he knows people at the college. I don’t know… I don’t know if I’m ready for that. But”—I chuckled, and this time it was a real laugh—“the kids have been helping me.”

“The kids at the hospital?” Brennan asked with a smile. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“I know,” I said. “They’re funny. They found out pretty early on in my volunteering, and Heather’s really taken it upon herself to try to help. And, honestly, it has helped a little bit.” I kissed his temple and then slid out of the bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. “I’ll think about it, though.”

“It’s up to you,” Brennan said as he climbed out of bed as well. “Whatever you decide, I’ve got your back.”

I blinked hard