Joke’s on You by Lani Lynn Vale Page 0,74

bit Kerrie on his dick.”

Kerrie was still screaming. Loudly.

“The dog bit his penis off.”

I looked over to find Asia staring at a hunk of meat on the ground.

“The dog’s shot,” I croaked. “Call the doctor.”

“I did,” she said. “Just a minute ago.”

I closed my eyes.

And blocked out everything but the reassuring beat of Dillan’s heart.

Chapter 16

If I had to describe myself using only one word? ‘Does not follow directions well.’

-Dillan to Delanie

Dillan

“I’m fine!” I cried.

Only, it sounded like I croaked it more than cried it.

I sounded like a man.

It was even worse than last time.

And I’d had to close my shop on the second day of my grand reopening.

“You’re not fine, you’re…” Delanie tried.

“You’re pregnant,” the doctor chirped as he came in the room. “I’d say about four weeks along. We’re going to keep you overnight. We want to monitor your oxygen levels, that nasty bump on your head could be a concussion, and you tested positive for the flu.”

I blinked. “The flu?”

“Pregnant?” Delanie squeaked.

“The start of a concussion?” Booth asked. “What’s a start of a concussion?”

The doctor blinked. He was cute. Tall, dark and handsome. The ultimate package.

His nametag read ‘Zach Caruso, MD’ on it. Yum.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was in here with you.” He looked sheepish. “I wouldn’t have just spouted all that information out.” He looked at Booth. “Yes, the start of a concussion. I think that it is one, albeit small. We’re going to monitor her. Check her every hour for the next twelve hours or so. Make sure her vitals are all steady. And that’s a two-fold reason.” He paused and looked at me. “Is it okay to discuss this in front of everyone?”

“I’m not sure how you missed everybody, doc. We haven’t left her room,” Malachi drawled.

“Yeah, Doc,” Ford drawled.

Zach turned his eyes to Ford. “Fuck off.”

I blinked.

Surely, I hadn’t heard him right.

But then Ford started to laugh, and I realized that I had.

“I’m sorry. There was a rather unsettling case before you.” He shuddered. “A man lost his peni…” He trailed off. “Sorry, I’m not allowed to discuss that. HIPPA violations are a bitch.”

“Don’t worry,” Ford said. “We know exactly what happened because some of us were there.” He pointed to the Three Musketeers as Malachi, me, and Booth were being called as of the last hour. “And we got all the juicy tidbits. It’s a shame that the dog ate the penis and all.”

I gagged.

But, granted, the dog hadn’t actually eaten the penis. Booth had picked it up and tossed it into the incinerator that the vets used to cremate the pets that died while on the premises.

No one had said a word.

And since it’d been done before the rest of the cops had gotten there, nobody would be the wiser.

And poor ol’ Kerrie had been passed the fuck out thanks to a foot in the face when Booth had gotten tired of listening to him.

Though, that only happened when I woke up and started to cry, apparently.

“Got it,” he said as he looked at the wall of SWAT team members in my small room. “Well, uh, would you like to discuss this with…” He gestured to everyone with a lift of his chin.

I shrugged. “They’re family. You’re not really going to say anything that they won’t know shortly anyhow.”

Zach nodded, then went on to tell me about how I was pregnant, they were keeping me overnight to again, monitor everything, but I would likely be out of here by tomorrow morning if everything went well throughout the night.

Kerrie, sadly for him, couldn’t have the same thing said about him.

He’d lost a lot of blood when Bobo had done his thing. He’d be in there for a bit while they watched over him, including a surgery so he could pee thanks to his mangled penis. Get his levels back to normal, sew his non-dick up the best they could, and then send him on his way to the prison for breaking his bail stipulations.

Speaking of Bobo.

“How is Bobo?” I asked, turning to look at Malachi.

Just before the doctor had come in, Malachi had gone outside to take a call from the vet.

“He’s good,” Malachi said. “He was under sedation again, but they said that the bullet just skimmed the top of his shoulder. Nothing other than skin damage. Thank goodness.”

“Thank God,” I breathed. “That guy deserves everything for saving me.”

“A-fucking-men,” Booth said from his perch on the side of my bed. “I’m buying that dog a goddamn steak dinner as