Joke’s on You by Lani Lynn Vale Page 0,21

Your dad was fuckin’ bankrupt. My dad and I? We worked out a sweet deal. His daughter’s hand in marriage for a bailout. But nooo, even that couldn’t go right. That’s what I get for letting old fuckin’ men do the work for the young ones. I should’ve just dealt with it myself. Because if I had, I wouldn’t have wound up betrothed to the wrong fucking sister.”

I scratched my head.

“So you what? Drugged them?” Because that was the only answer I was coming up with.

“My dad and yours had this deal. You girls had to agree. Delanie did. And I couldn’t back out of it.” He shook his head. “So I had to force her hand. I had to make her back out of it.”

I swallowed as a wave of sickness rolled through me.

“Then, when she backed off, your dad told you that you were going to be exchanged instead, and you said fuckin’ no. Which was allowed, because they came up with some stupid contract. The money in exchange for the betrothal. But your freewill couldn’t be forced. And I’ve been standing on the sidelines ever since,” he said. “I’ve spent years trying to get you to notice me. I’ve gone the blue collar route in hopes that you would notice me. I work a hands-on job because I know that you like a guy that works with his hands. I grew a beard. I didn’t cut my hair. And still, you won’t fucking look at me.”

I didn’t know what to say.

I didn’t look at him because he wasn’t the one that I wanted.

Which I told him in the next second, causing his scowl to strengthen.

“I’m… you need to go, Kerrie,” I said softly. “Go, and don’t come back. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

Because I had a sick feeling, if I actually heard him say what he did, I might very well throw up right on his stupid steel-toed boots.

“Don’t do this,” he said pleadingly. “Don’t.”

I took a step back, then headed for my car.

“It’s already done, Kerrie. It’s already done.”

Chapter 6

Is buttcrack one word or should I spread them apart?

-Coffee Cup

Booth

The date wasn’t going anywhere near as planned, mostly because when I went to drop Asa off at my parents’ house, he started to puke.

I stalled with him halfway out of his car seat, wondering what in the hell I was supposed to do.

He was puking into his massive bucket of cheeseballs, filling up what space that the cheeseballs weren’t already taking up.

It couldn’t have smelled good, and even worse, the puke was a sickly bright orange shade, blending seamlessly in with the rest of the container.

I felt my gorge rise and was seconds away from puking myself when he finally stopped.

Calmly, he placed the lid on the cheeseball container, and then looked at me with fevered eyes.

“I don’t feel good,” he told me.

I bit my lip.

No, I bet he didn’t.

“Okay,” I said as I put him back into his car seat and buckled him in. “Can you make it home?”

He threw up again into the container but nodded his head as he did. “I think so.”

After making sure he was situated, I got back into my truck, then drove off as sedately as I could.

I winced when I saw the large tub start to slip as I glanced in my rearview mirror and reached back just in time to stop the entire thing from dumping onto the floorboard.

I felt something wet with my hand, and prayed that it wasn’t puke, but knew better.

It was fucking puke.

Goddammit.

“Hold on to the bucket, bud,” I said. “Don’t let that fall, please.”

“Okay, Daddy,” Asa’s sweet voice said.

I pressed my mom’s number on my truck’s touch screen and didn’t have to wait long for her to answer.

“Did you forget something?” she asked the moment that she answered.

“No,” I sighed. “Asa’s puking. I’m gonna keep him at home tonight.”

She groaned. “That’s no fun. Sorry, baby.”

I felt my lips tip up at the sides.

Out of all of my mother’s kids, I was literally the only one out of us all that couldn’t fuckin’ handle puking when I was younger. I literally turned into the biggest pussy on the planet when I got sick, and, of course, so did my son.

“It’s okay,” I chuckled. “I guess this is what happens. Karma, right?”

She snickered. “Love you. Let me know if you need anything.”

After hanging up, my next call was to Dillan.

She answered and sounded like she was sick, too.

“Hey,” I said. “Are you