It was the first true thing he’d said to Colton since the conversation began. Part of him flinched. They’d been so close two years ago. Like brothers the year before. Now he was lying to Colton, hiding the biggest parts and pieces of himself. Hiding the most important person in his world. His stomach cramped, and the tacos the team had eaten before the drive home threatened to come back up.
“Yeah, I know you’re not, especially not anymore. This chick is serious for you. Think you might end up going all the way? She might be the one? College sweetheart follows you into the NFL?”
“Maybe.”
“Tell me about her. What’s her name? What’s she look like? Can I see a photo?”
“Why are you so interested all of a sudden?”
Colton caught his football in both hands, stopping the spin. “It’s not all of a sudden, dude. I’ve always wanted you to be this freakin’ happy. Why are you being so cagey about it? You ashamed to bring her around?”
“What? No!”
“You’re not, like, too good for the rest of us all of a sudden? With your real major and your big science classes?”
“Stop.” He lunged for the ball, trying to strip it from Colton. Colton twisted away, elbowed him in the stomach. Wes glared. “That’s not it at all.”
“Then what gives?”
He blew out another harsh breath and threw his head back against the bus seat. “I—we—want to keep things private. It’s insane, man. All the stuff this year? All the attention?”
Colton slumped in his seat, the tension in his arms and legs evaporating. He flopped his leg into the aisle and spun the football on the flat plane of his stomach. “It is pretty crazy how much attention you’re getting. I mean, you deserve it. You do. But yeah, man. It’s wild.”
“I feel like I can’t even take a dump without someone trying to follow me in and get a photo of it.”
Colton snorted.
“This, what we have? It’s not in the media, and it’s not something I’m hounded about. We’re not hounded about it.”
“Think she wouldn’t like the attention? Or wouldn’t be able to deal?”
“It’s not that. It’s… it’s the only thing that’s mine right now. And that’s special to me.” Justin is special to me.
Colton was quiet. He stared at his football, spinning it, his lips pursed. “You’re not even going to show me a picture?”
He shoved Colton, pushing him out of his row and into the aisle. Colton squawked, waking up Orlando and Art. Orlando threw his empty Monster can at Colton’s head.
Colton held up his hands, surrendering. “All right, all right!” He kicked the Monster can back to Orlando’s row, and Orlando flipped him off, grunted, rolled toward the window, and went right back to snoring. “Look, I just want you to know, I’m happy for you, ’kay? I can tell that you’re freaking gone for this girl. I do want to meet her and make sure she’s good for you. But.” He held out his fist for Wes. “I get what you’re saying. Just know I’m rooting for you guys.”
Wes bumped his fist against Colton’s and smiled. “Thanks. I appreciate it. And… one day.”
Colton sauntered back up the bus. He flopped down, stretching out across an entire row, his legs stretched across the aisle with his heels up on the opposite seat. He kicked off his sneakers, and one of the linebackers groaned. “Gross, man. You need some fucking Odor-Eaters.”
Wes rested his forehead against the window and stared out at the darkness. His thumb brushed over his phone screen, turning it back on. He reread the text Justin had sent him when he stopped for gas: Still thinking of your arm. I can take a look when you get back? and a selfie of him sipping his coffee before he started the last half of the drive.
It is serious, Colton, he wanted to say. It’s the rest of my life. Justin is everything I ever wanted.
What would Colton’s face look like if Wes said Justin’s name?
His stomach lurched again, and he hunched in his seat, head between his knees. Cold sweat beaded on his skin, across his forehead and down his spine. He swallowed hard. Squeezed his eyes closed.
How did he bring all these pieces of himself together? How did the Wes who caught footballs and had stadiums packed with fans leaping to their feet, screaming his name, roaring as he made touchdown after touchdown, live with the Wes who loved Justin? How did the two men