it feel like if Justin hadn’t pulled away? If they didn’t have to hide?
He took a moment to collect himself, run his fingers through his hair and check the rearview mirror to make sure he didn’t look like he was just kissing the love of his life. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were wide, but there was no helping that. He hauled himself out of the truck and joined Justin, who was waiting at the tailgate.
He didn’t grab Justin’s hand as they walked to the bookstore, but he wanted to. Instead, he and Justin traded sidelong glances, and then, when they caught each other looking, goofy grins. Wes spun his truck keys on his fingers. Anything to keep from reaching for Justin.
Inside, they wandered the aisles, Justin picking out three pairs of black-and-navy scrubs with the university logo on the front pocket, a new lanyard, a textbook, and a clinical rotation guidebook. Wes trailed behind him, turning over odds and ends on every shelf, flipping through the medical textbooks, fingering the key chains.
Justin chose a stethoscope and popped it out of the box, tossing the box into his basket and fitting the earpieces into his ears. He held up the drum, tapped on the bell. Turned to Wes and then pushed the cold end against his thin shirt, right over the swell of his pec. “My,” Justin said softly, winking. “What a big heart you have, cowboy.”
Wes laid his palm over Justin’s hand. He felt his heartbeat speed up. Felt it pound. “Hear that?”
Justin nodded.
“That’s because of you.” He shifted closer. They were alone in the aisle. “Every time I see you, every time I think of you, my heart goes wild.”
Justin bit down on his lower lip. “You might want to get that looked at. Sounds like it could be serious.”
“It is.” He squeezed Justin’s hand, then, quickly, lifted and kissed his fingers. “It’s lifelong.”
Justin blushed and pulled away, tossing the stethoscope into his basket before drifting down the aisle. He looked back over his shoulder at Wes, and the look in his eyes made Wes’s heart do cartwheels. He caught up to Justin and brushed his hand over the small of Justin’s back, then moved a half step away as they rounded the aisle to the trinkets section.
A hollow look passed over Justin’s face as they passed a pride display. He eyed the rainbow lanyards and pins, the little flags and bumper stickers and T-shirts.
Wes stopped in the middle of the aisle. Justin glared when he couldn’t maneuver past him. “Hey, cowboy, you mind?”
“You should get something.”
Justin looked at him like he’d just asked Justin to chop his own arm off. He blinked. “That hardly seems wise, considering…”
“You’re not in the closet.” Wes scanned the pins, then picked a rectangle rainbow flag, something understated and classy. It would look great on Justin’s lanyard and stand out against his dark scrubs. He held it out. “You’d get this if we hadn’t talked last night.”
“Maybe, but if we’re trying to be discreet—”
“Don’t change for me. I don’t want that.”
“But I am changing, aren’t I? And not just for you. For us, so we can, one day—”
“I fell for you exactly the way you are. I like that you’re out. I like that you’re proud. I admire you for that. Please, if you would have bought this before, buy it now?”
Silently, Justin took the pin and added it to his basket. “One day,” he whispered.
One day, I’ll buy one for myself, too. “Yeah.”
Justin was quiet as they kept wandering, but his pace picked up a minute later, and then they were in the sports section. Team merchandise blanketed the back half of the bookstore. Football dominated, filling multiple aisles with cups and mugs and photo frames, bobbleheads and bottle openers and coozies. Justin traded his plain university-branded lanyard for one with footballs on it, then snorted and giggled at the Wes Van de Hoek bobblehead.
Then came the jerseys.
Justin beelined for them, flipping through the racks until he found the 87s. They were NCAA-official jerseys, and they came in the school colors, and in pink, red, green, and even a wild tie-dye. “Which one is like yours?”
“None of them. These are way too thick.” His jersey was mesh, more air in the fabric, lighter and elastic so it would cling to his pads and taper to his body, his waist. These were made for fans in the stands, not for players sweating their butts off on the field.