to college. But to go to college, I needed a scholarship. I’ve been running a football since I was knee-high on my dad. I’m not the smartest guy in the world, and my grades weren’t good enough for an academic scholarship. But I knew I had a chance at a football scholarship if I gave it my all…”
His breath shook as he exhaled. He rubbed one sweat-slick palm down his Wranglers. “I’ve got nothing without my scholarship. I don’t have enough money to pay for college on my own. If I lose that, I’m out. I’ll be back home in West Texas, and I’ll never get out again. This scholarship is my one chance for a different life.” He turned to Justin. “A life I really, really want.”
His teammates shifted. He heard chairs creak. Cushions sigh. Throats clear.
“So I worked hard, from day one. From that first day of freshman training camp, when I met most of you guys.” He grinned. Saw grins reflect back at him from some of his teammates. "To hold on to that scholarship, I had to give this everything I had. And because of that, I told myself I’d bury that part of me. I never dated in high school, because I was too focused on getting that scholarship. I wasn’t going to date here, either. I was going to stay focused on football. Finish my degree. What was four years, I thought. I stuck to my plan. Until…”
Again, he looked at Justin. Justin smiled softly. He was made to love the white swan. “I fell in love,” Wes said. “I didn’t expect to, but I did. And it couldn’t have happened at a worse time.”
Silence. No one moved. He didn’t even hear his teammates breathe.
“Coach sat me down over the summer, when I got back from study abroad, and told me about my rank in the league. That I was suddenly a pretty big deal.” His gaze fell, and he stared at the floor. “He also told me that I was responsible for the team this year. That I could elevate the team, and if I did, all of us could see our dreams come true. If I played my heart and soul out and made sure we had a good season, everyone would get what they wanted. NFL scouts would be at all the games. We’d all be in the draft. If I stepped up. ‘You can bring them all to glory,’ he said.”
“Damn,” Art said, in the silence that followed. “He put that on you?”
“He wanted you all to have what you wanted. Have your dreams come true. And I do, too. I want it for every one of you. You all deserve to play in the NFL. You’re all eligible after this year, and if we put up those numbers… I decided I was going to do exactly what he said. I was going to have the best season of my life for you. I was going to bring you guys to where your dreams came true. And I knew, if we were going to have that kind of season, there couldn’t be any distractions. No surprises. Nothing that disrupted our rhythm on the field or in the locker room, or got between us. It wasn’t the time to come out. Not with everything on the line.”
“You hid,” Josh said. He glowered, but Wes couldn’t tell if he was scowling at Wes or at the world. Patrick, next to him, folded his arms across his chest and glared at the floor.
“Yeah. I was trying to give you guys the world, and I didn’t want my life to get in the way of that.”
Silence. Colton stared at Wes across the circle, his face so full of heartbreak it hurt to hold his gaze. Wes looked away. His gaze went blurry as he stared at the line of their coffeemakers, the giant tubs of protein powder he and the guys shared crowding the kitchen counter next to twelve boxes of cereal and five boxes of Pop-Tarts.
God, he loved these guys. And he’d been so afraid of them finding out about him that he’d pulled back and pulled back, until the distance between them was the size of the Grand Canyon. No wonder they thought the worst of him. They didn’t know him anymore. He’d been isolating himself for months.
There was so much pain in that room. Battered, bruised trust, and the wreckage of his secrets.