His co-host chimed in. “That wasn’t just a collapse, Sam, that was a demolishment. Mississippi thrashed Texas. It was like they were playing a high school team out there.”
“Not high school. Middle school.”
“Or even younger. I mean, this was an absolute, total disaster. And the team has only one man to blame for that.”
“You’re talking about Van de Hoek?”
“Absolutely. Look, we’ve been talking all year long about Texas’s magic. They’re all top-level players at that school, but a big part of that magic comes from how tightly bonded those boys are. Most of that starting line has been playing together for years. They’ve got an almost psychic connection on the field, and we’ve seen how well that works. Now, remember your shock this morning, when you saw those pictures? Imagine how Van de Hoek’s teammates felt.”
“But doesn’t Van de Hoek, if what was printed is true, deserve a little bit of a break? Doesn’t he deserve a private life?”
“Sure, but he wasn’t trying very hard to keep this private. If you’re in the public eye, you need to be more careful.”
“Jerry…”
“Come on, Sam, sneaking off to have sex with his boyfriend in the middle of a college party? What was Van de Hoek thinking, if he wanted to keep this secret? He wasn’t thinking, that’s what.”
“No one would care if it was his girlfriend.”
The announcer spread his hands. “That’s not the world we live in. People care. And it’s not even about that. Look, I don’t care if Van de Hoek likes guys or girls or Martians. He’s a damn good football player. Damn good. But he’s that much better of a ball player because of the strength of that team. He’s supposed to be their captain. If he knew there was something in his life that could blow the team up this badly? That could shatter their bond, break them apart and cause this much of a collapse? He owed it to his team to be up front with everyone from the very beginning.”
“If he’d been up front from the beginning, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten this far in the game. As you said, people do care about this kind of thing. There are no—none—out gay footballers in Division I football right now.”
Another shrug. “Is it about you, or is it about the team? That’s the question every player has to ask himself. Who are you playing for? Your own glory, or what you can accomplish together? We thought Van de Hoek was playing for his team, but it looks like maybe he wasn’t. Unfortunately, Texas completely crumbled today, and this may be the end of their hopes for a national championship.”
“All right, turning from college ball to the NBA now…”
Wes sank to the bed. He thumbed off the TV and dropped the remote. Buried his head in his hands.
Coach’s growl filled the ensuing silence. You think you’re paying for it, but you won’t be. The whole team is about to suffer for your decisions.
He’d thought he was protecting the team, but everything he’d done had made things so much worse.
There was too much coursing through him. His teammates’ voices mixed with his own bitter recriminations. Failure was red hot, fire licking the inside of his skin. Shame was ice, wrapping like ribbons around his bones. Desperation sliced at his organs, turned his stomach and his guts into empty, aching pits.
He wasn’t made to sit still. Since he was six years old, he’d run. To make the catch, to make the block. For yards. For touchdowns. For his team. He ran, and he pushed, and he made his life happen.
He couldn’t sit in this room.
He grabbed the room key and stormed out the door.
It was dark, which was good, because it meant no one could see his face when he got out onto the road. He pulled his hoodie up and took off, jogging down the farm road toward the pitch-black horizon. The road wound for hundreds of miles through rolling hills and empty fields where ranchers let their cattle roam. Small towns popped up here and there. But for now, it was just him and the road and the empty night.
Wes ran until his body cramped up, until sweat poured down his face and soaked his hoodie. He took it off and tied it around his waist. He still had on the university Under Armour he’d worn beneath his pads and jersey. He still had the team’s logo, the team’s